A Lady's Imagination
by BadGirlwithsomeRetroSneakers
Summary: And to each of them, she gave one book. And to each of them, she gave her heart. LE/JP LE/RL LE/SB LE/SS
1. Marianne & Colonel Brandon

Hello all,

this is a bit more PG stuff than what I'm used to but I can't get this concept out of my head so here it is-

the story chronicles Lily's relationship with James, Sirius, Severus and Remus through the medium of romantic period novels.

The first chapter is set in fifth year, between Remus and Lily and is set around that of Sense and Sensibility.

I would love to here your views on this- i.e. REVIEW please!

And I would love to know what other novels you think I'll choose for everyone else.

James and Lily will not be Pride and Prejudice! Whilst I'll admit there are similarities, James never thought that Lily was beneath him like Darcy did Elizabeth.

Clue; all novels were written by women, from England in the nineteenth century.

So thanks very much for reading and please review! :D

I own nothing by JK or Miss Austen. Their genius is all their own.

BGWSRS

* * *

"_Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?"_

_September_

"So, you're the other prefect, huh?" a noticeably more womanly version of the Lily Evans he had left at the end of fourth year asked him analytically.

Remus nodded mutely before realising she was trying to start a conversation with him. To be honest he wasn't really sure if that was safe territory. James liked her, she hated him. Wasn't he supposed to be on James's side in all of this? Didn't talking to her cross the line somewhere?

Remus wasn't quite sure.

But then again, he never was. The unwitting fair headed boy often stumbled into situations before he realised what was happening and as a result of luck, nothing- apart from being bitten- had ever left him too horribly scarred. Unless one counted ending up with Sirius Black and James Potter as best friends when all one wanted was a quiet life to be unlucky.

"Err...yeah," he qualified uncertainty. The badge said he was the prefect, so he assumed no one had made too huge an error.

Silence settled in as they waited for the other prefects to fill the carriage before the Head Boy and Girl began their speeches.

Remus wasn't very used to talking to Lily Evans. Whenever she was around, James usually made most of the noise and Remus was quite happy to let him.

Not to say that he hadn't noticed her.

Because he had.

Lily Evans was....scary. Not so much in herself, but just when you spend three years seeing someone as practically infallible and indestructible, watching a petite, red head fell that someone right in front of your eyes can be quite...unnerving.

That was exactly what Lily Evans was. Unnerving.

If she could level someone as strong as James, imagine what she would do to him.

Remus didn't like to think about what she was already doing to him.

"Good summer?" she asked politely, now gazing at him with her pretty green eyes. He wished she wouldn't.

Remus wasn't used to being looked at. Not when Sirius and James were around. He was...background noise. And he preferred it that way. Less...commotion and trouble that way.

Less for people to assume.

He _really_ wished she would stop looking at him.

"Err...yeah," he said again, a strangled sound in his voice. She was just some girl. Some tiny little thing that Slughorn could probably crush with his pinkie finger and he couldn't even describe his summer to her.

Now she was sighing.

What would James say?

"_Oi, Evans! Come over here and let me put a smile on your face."_

Definitely not the Remus Lupin approach.

Nothing unassuming or peaceful about that type of remark. At least not where Lily Evans was concerned.

"Listen, Remus..."

Now she was fully facing him. She must honestly think he was in love with that window, the way he kept staring at it so.

"I know Potter probably has you all full of ideas about me...some of them are probably true...but not all of them, Remus. I'm not _so _bad. You can ask anyone...although maybe not Olivia Fitzgerald- she hates me. But anyone else, Remus. I daresay I can actually be quite tolerable at times."

There was a hint of mirth in her voice. Remus could see why.

If he had to choose an adjective to describe Lily Evans...tolerable would be the last one he would _ever_ pick.

Lily Evans was...

Original.

Unique, even.

Passionate.

Vivacious.

Some might say provocative.

There was no way anyone could meet Lily Evans and merely tolerate her. She was a love/hate person.

Not at all like him.

He was tolerable.

He was...in an adjective...indifference.

"I'd like us to be friends this year, Remus. If for no other reason than we have to work together. It'd make things a whole lot easier, don't you think?"

Easy?

Being friends with Lily Evans.

It was an odd prospect. Intriguing, no doubt. It might be nice to have some friends who actually were interested in books and things. Similar to him.

Not that there was anything wrong with not liking books. A person could get too introverted.

Working together? Remus hadn't thought of that.

Working with Lily Evans?

If James was to be believed, she'd have him whipped half to death before the first prefect meeting was over.

But then she said James was wrong about her?

And Lily Evans was always right.

"I didn't do much this summer really....saw Sirius and James quite a bit."

She was smiling now. That was surely a good sign. There was no way she could be planning his imminent destruction if she was smiling.

Was there?

"Same here," she replied, lifting her legs onto the seat. "Just hung around the house mostly. I got some really good extra reading done for O.W.L. level charms though...hopefully I'll remember most of it," she finished giggling before sweeping her curls behind her ears.

"Excuse me everyone," came the Head Boys voice. "I'm Timothy McGoldrick, for those of you who don't know, and I'd like to make a start if that's okay with everyone. First off, this year is going to be a lot of hard work..."

It certainly was, Remus thought as he sighed and tried not to glance too obviously at the girl sitting beside him.

If there was one verb Remus could pick to describe Lily Evans it would be work.

* * *

"_It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others."_

_October_

"I honestly don't know how you and the rest of them do it, Remus! It's only a month in and I'm already buried alive underneath parchment!" Lily groaned, rubbing her head, as they trotted around the castle corridors companionably.

There was certainly a different feel to patrolling after hours and sneaking out after hours. Whilst patrols lacked the excitement that sneaking out did, Remus had to admit that being authorized to be outside when no was else was definitely was a bit of a power rush.

"I do actually do work, you know?" Remus said in mock hurt. "I may not be buried alive by parchment like you, but that doesn't mean that I'm not suffocating on it."

Lily laughed.

A sound which Remus found he was enjoying more and more these days.

It could precede a number of things.

A witty remark.

A playful pat on the shoulder.

Or his personal favourite...a hug.

Merlin, he was like some love starved child. Yet when one spent most time with the Marauders, whose ultimate goal of manly perfection was only achievable by affection with women, one ended up treasuring the little bits of contact that someone as soft as Lily Evans gave.

Her hugs were peaceful.

Calming and reassuring.

She gave hugs generously too. To anyone who wanted.

All accept his three best friends.

Was this the line?

Remus didn't want to think about that.

"How's Severus?" he asked, changing the subject yet derailing any chance of a hug.

Lily made an odd noise.

"Hey," Remus said, daring to pat her gently on the arm. "It's only natural for him to have friends from his own house, you know?"

She nodded abruptly.

"Sorry," he added nervously, feeling that he had treaded on a sensitive subject.

Lily shook her head sparingly.

"I feel like I'm losing him," she said quietly, as Remus pretended that the irritable feeling in his stomach was not jealously.

"I doubt that," he replied truthfully. "Most people can see how much he cares about you. He just needs to branch out, Lily. He can't only talk to one person forever."

She was staring at him oddly.

"What?" he asked, severely unnerved.

She chuckled lightly.

"You called me Lily."

Realising the first, Remus smiled too.

"I believe I did."

"I'm sorry, it's just that no one calls me Lily except Sev...and some of the girls. You lot usually call me 'Evans'," she said quickly, still looking up at him curiously.

Remus laughed out loud now.

"'You lot'," he said with mirth. "We're not all James, you know _Lily," _he added, the mock hurt coming back into his voice again.

She stared at him oddly.

"I'm beginning to realise that," she said finally, before moving to give him a hug.

Ignoring the way her voice had been filled with emotion when she had last spoke, Remus sank into the hug.....

Which was now lasting for well over ten seconds.

This _had_ to be the line.

Lily Evans was unnerving, yes, thought Remus.

But she was also...illuminating. Refreshing....

'Good for me'.

Like vegetables, after too many sweets.

She made him feel healthy again.

* * *

"_But there is one comfort, my dear Miss Marianne; he is not the only young man in the world worth having; and with your pretty face you will never want admirers."_

_November_

Something was wrong. It had to be. She kept glancing over at him.

Usually when Lily had something to say she just said it. Now she was just daring to look at him quickly before glancing away again.

And she was chewing on her bottom lip as well. A sign she was nervous.

Should he ask her?

Maybe.

But maybe he didn't want to know what was wrong- it hadn't taken the other three too long and Lily was by the far the quickest if not the brightest in their house.

He was back to his old fear again.

Would this change everything?

He doubted she'd offer to try and become an unregistered animagus as well.

.....

It felt different this time.

Last time, the prospect of losing James and the rest of them had been....annoying but inevitable to him. Something that was always bound to happen.

Now...losing Lily. Remus didn't really want to see that as an option.

She was a proud, strong Gryffindor who wouldn't desert someone for something that they had never planned on. Never wanted.

But then again, she was a girl.

Maybe girls were different?

Sirius definitely viewed girls as more fragile than boys.

Maybe that meant that they ran from something like this.

Remus sighed.

_Why wouldn't she just say something?_

She was tearing the edge of that book to bits. Madam Prince would have her head for that. It was brazen really. Tearing up a book in the library. But somehow, it seemed trivial.

Right now, it seemed trivial.

Staring back to his own book he saw that he had been effectively doing the same thing.

"I want to help."

Remus's head snapped up at the sound of her small voice. She was staring at him now, still chewing her lip, still tormenting that book.

He really didn't want to reply. If he replied, he knew exactly which route this conversation would go down.

This was the one part of his life that he didn't want her involved in. He wanted her to see the...the happiness in his life. The person he was despite his infliction.

If he admitted to this, she would never look at him the same way again...

Although he wasn't really sure how she looked at him.

Like it mattered anyways....

He could never be good enough for her.

"Please talk to me," her voice carried on, still timid and slightly breathless as he looked everywhere but her.

He coughed to begin his denial but she cut him off once more.

"I know what you're going to say and it's no use lying to me, Remus," she started gently. "I...I _really _want to be here for you," she went on, sounding very unsure- almost as if she was confessing something to him-, "you...you said we'd be friends, right? Well, this is what friends do for each other," Lily finished, her voice now coming out unusually high.

Remus wondered why she was nervous.

He turned to look at her; her face was beautifully flushed, her eyes bright and wild with something he couldn't place and she was now knotting her hands in her lap.

All in all, Remus thought it was very ironic that the moment he fell in love with Lily Evans was the moment he had always hoped would never come.

He took a deep breath.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked weakly, knowing that they were on very tender ground now. If he said the wrong thing she might never speak to him again. That was the type of person that Lily was- all or nothing.

She chuckled a little in response, looking down at her lap- eyes moving everywhere.

"I'd like you to...to tell me the truth, Remus," she said simply, and he noticed out of the corner of his eye that she'd moved one hand over to grasp his.

He didn't know whether or not his breathing was speeding up because of what he was about to say or because of the fact that she was touching him.

"It happened when I was seven..."

* * *

"_Brandon is just the kind of man,' said Willoughby one day when they were talking of him together, 'whom everybody speaks well of, and nobody cares about; whom all are delighted to see, and nobody remembers to talk to."_

_December_

Remus yawned sleepily as he trudged down the stairs from his bedroom, the tinsel and Christmas tree peeking out from his view to the living room.

He could hear his mother bustling around in the kitchen, no doubt already starting on their dinner for the rest of the day. It was usually just the three of them.

Being a boy with no siblings was lonely sometimes, but most of all on Christmas morning. There was no one to chuck wrapping paper at and play with the wrong toys. It was just him, and the small bundle of presents under the tree.

Sitting down he sifted through the usual presents- a jumper from his aunt, a bit of broom polish from the relatives on his dad's side who were notoriously stingy and thus all banded together to get everybody one present and some form of cologne from his mother- who had taken to asking him if he had a girlfriend yet in every letter.

There was nothing from the rest of the Marauders- they had all long ago given up on buying each other presents.

For one, at Christmas, James was insufferable- he had much more money than either of the rest of them so he always embarrassed them by giving them something hugely expensive. Also- he had everything. There was literally nothing they could buy for him that he didn't already have.

Sirius was usually locked in the house at Christmas and not allowed out until various different magical traditions had taken place. So generally he despised Christmas. Aside from that, any money that he did have was logged strictly by his family in a large accountancy book so he rarely could buy anything that they didn't approve of. And presents for half-bloods came under that category.

Peter had seemed happy enough to give up on the whole present thing, having never had much imagination on the whole idea of gifts anyways.

He had once given Remus a book on werewolves and their habits.

Ripping open the last present, covered in plain brown paper Remus was surprised to see a book.

A gift that he had never been given by his parents due to the fact that they were both avid readers themselves, so they usually just lent him novels.

_Sense and Sensibility_

_By Jane Austen_

Flicking open the pages, he had to backtrack a few when he noticed some inky scribbles on a blank page.

_Dear Remus, _

_Merry Christmas! I hope you're having a good one. _

_I like this book so you should like it too. _

_See you in January! _

_Love, Lily xxx_

Telling his mum not to bother with breakfast, Remus ran back up the stairs, flopped down on his bed, and began to read.

* * *

"_I could not be happy with a man whose taste did not in every point coincide with my own. He must enter into all my feelings; the same books, the same music must charm us both. . . ."_

_January_

"Well...." came Lily's sly voice, as she sidled up to him in the library, two days after they had just started back. "What do you think?" she queried brightly, setting herself down in front of him, as he set down his book. He noticed she frowned slightly when she realised that it was not _Sense and Sensibility_ that he was reading.

"About what?" he asked back, trying not to grin.

"The book, silly!" she replied exasperatedly, batting his arm in impatience. "Isn't Austen just the most wonderful thing you've ever read?!" she half-asked animatedly, her eyes lighting up in fervour.

He wanted to say yes- but only because she had given it to him. If he was honest- her inscription was exactly right. He loved it automatically because she did too.

"It was pretty good," he responded meekly, as she rolled her eyes.

"_Pretty good_!" she mimicked with distaste. "It's bloody brilliant," she finally mumbled, folding her arms and setting her head down in them.

"I did love it," he said hurriedly, hoping that he hadn't offended her, but breathing a sigh of relief when she looked up happily. "Really."

She beamed out a smile which lit up the whole library and made him think that he should like everything she liked, just to get her to smile like that more often.

"Wonderful," Lily breathed, before patting his arm reassuringly. A movement which made his cheeks heat up. But, as he said to himself consolingly- it had been a while since he had seen her- he was allowed to feel awkward around her again.

"Here," he said awkwardly, deciding that the chances of giving her his Christmas present and seeing her smile again outweighed the chances of her hating it and never speaking to him again. Rooting around in his pocket he pulled out a small black box, and pushed it across the table to her, pretending not to notice the look of shock on her face.

He tried not to look at her as she opened the box, but found after a while that he could not resist it. And she was staring down at the contents of a small green butterfly necklace with the most undecipherable look on her face.

"Erm...my mum said something about girls and jewellery...I thought...needed to get you..." he coughed out even more awkwardly than before, thinking that his face must now be the colour of her hair.

And then she was looking up at him and he felt fear growing in his stomach as he noticed tears pooling in her eyes.

"I'm sorry...." he said urgently, reaching out to take the box, "I'll take it back...it was stupid..."

She had stood up, and he was debating whether or not to go after her when she walked away.

He didn't have to, because he noticed shakily that she was now kneeling beside his chair.

"I love it," she whispered breathlessly, before placing a small, gentle kiss on his cheek and rising to make her way out of the library, necklace in hand.

It was three hours before Remus moved.

* * *

"_The business of self-command she settled very easily: with strong affections it was impossible..."_

_February_

"No date today?" Lily asked him, as she sat down beside him on common room couch. A common room which was empty due to everyone being in Hogsmeade on their Valentine's Day dates.

He shook his head almost jovially, inwardly laughing at her thought that he would have a date. He was friends with James and Sirius- he knew that no one was looking at him.

"Me neither," she said sighing, "although on the plus side, there's a huge bunch of flowers from Potter which I can tell everybody are from someone else," she finished, as he looked over at her and saw her to be smiling.

Smiling back he felt a little twinge in his stomach at the thought of James and how much he had fussed over what flowers to send her.

How Remus had wanted to tell him to send her orchids, her favourite.

Although then James would want to know how he knew that.

And would probably figure out where she got that butterfly necklace that she wore everywhere from.

"You care about him...a lot, don't you?" she asked quietly, as Remus began to fear where this conversation was going to go.

He nodded again, and coughed as his voice came out strangled.

"Of course I do," he replied hurriedly, "he's my best mate."

He was sure that that last bit came out meaningfully, and Remus couldn't decide whether or not that was a bad thing.

Now it was her nodding and looking down in her lap.

"Then I'm sorry," she said strangely, as Remus wondered what she meant.

"For what?" he asked, somewhat dumbly.

"For this," she breathed.

And then she was kissing him.

And he was finding it very difficult to move away. Because her lips had erased all thoughts of James, and _his _Lily and the flowers.

Because right now, all that Remus could think- was that she really should belong to him.

Remus would bet that he wanted her more.

And proved himself to be right by kissing her back in a horribly hurried way, afraid that she might pull away. Afraid that she might finally realise that in her story, Willoughby actually wanted her and Colonel Brandon was and should be her second choice.

Except with the way she was kissing him, holding on to him, moving against him, Remus was inclined to think that maybe she was choosing the older, less handsome man.

And then it became too much for him to handle.

And he pulled away just in time to see James, Sirius and Peter standing at the portrait hole watching him in anger, disgust and admiration respectively.

* * *

"_...He long thought of Colonel Brandon with envy and of Marianne with regret..."_

_March_

The two them sat quietly under the beech tree, the sun just beginning to set, their hands clasped together.

Remus didn't know when kissing Lily in public had become an 'okay' thing. After catching them together, Sirius had taken him aside later that day and punched him, yelling things about loyalty and friendship and Remus hadn't even bothered to protest because he knew what he said was all true.

Until Lily had come to his defence and yelled at Sirius about friendship and happiness and love and Sirius had called her a despicable word and Remus couldn't help himself and had punched him back.

It was truly a stupid thing to do but it made Sirius stop yelling.

And then Sirius had come to him the next morning to tell him that if Lily made him happy then he should be with her.

Remus had asked about James. And was curtly told by the man himself that he didn't give a flying fuck and he could do whatever he wanted with _her_ because he had never really liked her anyways.

So Remus had begun to kiss Lily.

First it was in corridors between classes and when he returned to his friends, James's face was red and Sirius wasn't looking at him.

Then she began to sit beside him in class and kissed him on the cheek whenever they parted ways, and Remus could feel James's shaking and see the clench in Sirius's jaw.

And then one day she came in the boy's dorm and kissed him right in front of them all- simply because she missed him, she had said. But Remus knew otherwise. He knew she was proving a point. Because Lily could never love by halves.

And after she had left James had excused himself quietly to go to the bathroom, and they all winced when they heard something break.

And now it was his birthday, and even if all Sirius had ever done was call him a twat and say he was born in a zoo on the occasions previous to this year, Remus still missed it.

He missed James's clap on the shoulder and rousing call of "Happy Birthday, mate."

He missed Peter forgetting and asking what day it was, and going a vibrant shade of red when Sirius reminded him and then called him a twat.

She was nuzzling into his neck and Remus marvelled at her abilities to make him forget everything.

All his troubles.

All his feelings.

All his friends.

All he could think of was her and her touch.

"Come on," she had said quietly, pulling him up off the ground and towards the castle.

As they had arrived back to the common room, Remus had been surprised to notice that it was completely full and then had remembered that there had been a Quidditch game earlier that day and Gryffindor had won.

Out of the corner of his eye, he had noticed the Marauders all crowded round one another, not even looking up at him as Lily pulled him up towards his dormitory.

And then suddenly they were on his bed and the same thing was happening again. All Remus knew was that she was beneath him, kissing him passionately, tugging his shirt over his head.

She was making noises, which when he heard them were making it very hard for him to breath. So he started to unbutton her shirt, because his hands very refusing to do anything else- somehow gluing themselves to her and desperate to feel any form of skin that they could.

Trying not to act like too much of a fool when he finally realised that she was now just wearing a bra, he suddenly didn't know where to look but the giggle from her made him raise his eyes to meet her own and he saw that she was smiling beautifully at him and he couldn't help but smile back.

She pulled him to kiss her again.

When he put his hands on her smooth skin, she breathed his name and to stop himself from ripping her undergarments off right there, he buried his head into her neck, surprised to hear himself moaning gruffly into her sweet skin.

"Hey, Moony, look we realise..."

He jumped a foot in the air when he heard James's voice coming from the doorway, and sat up to get himself as far away as possible from his half naked girlfriend, before he realised that she was clinging to him, desperate to shield herself from the eyes of his three friends.

So he did what he was supposed to do as her boyfriend and wrapped his arms around her, covering her exposure completely.

Turning his head slightly, he dared to see his friend's expressions, each hurtful in their own, but James's in particular sent a stab of regret to his heart. He looked destroyed.

"Sorry," he heard James mumble, before making his way over to his own bed, staring in the opposite direction.

Sirius and Peter followed suit.

Gingerly, and with her face deliciously pink, Lily put on her shirt, kissed him and made her way slowly from the doorway, whispering 'Happy Birthday' to him before she exited completely.

There was silence as he put his own shirt back on.

He didn't really know what to say.

Neither did any of his friends apparently.

"Happy birthday, Moony," Sirius said quietly, giving him a small smile and gesturing towards Peter.

Remus turned his head oddly towards Peter and was violently surprised to see his friend morph into a rat before his very eyes.

"You managed it?" he coughed out, turning to Sirius only to see a dog in place of his best friend.

"Yeah," James mumbled from the corner of the room, still not looking at him.

Remus felt the tears prick his eyes, and knew what he had to do.

* * *

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you think Marianne ended up with Colonel Brandon?"

"Because she loved him silly, that's why!"

......

"Why do you?"

"Because she couldn't have Willoughby...."

"Oh."

* * *

"_To your sister I wish all imaginable happiness; to Willoughby that he may endeavour to deserve her."_


	2. Jane Eyre & Edward Rochester

Hello everyone,

I'm finally updating this story!

This time its Sirius x Lily- one of my favourite unrequited loves. Anyways, thank you all so much for the reviews for the last chapter! I'd love to get lots and lots more :P Thanks for reading either way.

Anyway, this chapter is based on _Jane Eyre_. Needless to say it contains spoilers for Jane Eyre, but its been out for quite a while...so I don't think I'm spoiling anything! ;)

Next up is James. Any guesses on Lily and his book? Let me know!

Thanks for reading and **REVIEW!**

BGWSRS**  
**

* * *

You know that feeling that you get when you want something so badly but you know you can't have it?

Well, I don't.

I've never known that feeling.

I've never known forbidden.

Because even with my shitty family and my moronic social circle and my small amount of common sense, I have never denied myself anything that I have ever wanted.

When I see something I want...I take it.

At the expense of my family, my friends...my reputation.

I always get what I want.

Because I am Sirius Black.

Resident pompous arse and selfish bastard extraordinaire.

Maybe that's the problem...the ease with which I obtain what I want.

Maybe that's why she's so...so desirable.

She thinks it's James that wants her because he can't have her.

Actually it's me...I think.

Dear Reader...I am well and truly fucked.

* * *

"_I resisted all the way: a new thing for me."_

_September_

As soon as Sirius Black heard the words, "Evans! Black! Pair up!" barked at him by their stupid Muggle Studies professor, he knew he was in for a rough ride.

In a misguided attempt to rectify the large amount of muggleborn hatred that was coursing through the education system at present, the Muggle Department in both Hogwarts and the Ministry had decided that in preparation for their N.E.W.T exam, the Muggle Studies students would pair up; a pureblood to every muggleborn, to teach each other about their different _'cultures'_.

"Stupid bloody Ministry."

"What was that, Black?"

Noticing that Lily Evans had sidled up to him and seated herself in the adjacent chair, Sirius groaned and stuffed his hands into his hair.

"Nothing, Evans...absolutely nothing. So, what's it like being boring?"

Why was he trying to rile her up?

"Ugh, Black," Lily hissed, eyeing him with extreme disgust. "I knew there was a reason I didn't like you."

Maybe because she looked so bloody gorgeous when she was annoyed.

Sighing, Lily rubbed at her eyes and regarded him lazily.

"All the project requires us to do is acquaint one another with various aspects of Muggle and Magic life. I don't see why we should spend any more time with one another than necessary," she ground out, now studying the parchment in front of her.

That was probably a good idea. Unnecessary time with Lily Evans would probably only...prolong what he was feeling.

Whatever that was.

"Alright," Sirius said through a yawn. "So, what's the plan, Red?"

Rolling her eyes at the nickname, Lily reached into her bag and pulled out a book.

"You are so predictable," he added, sounding more horrible than he meant to.

"Oh, just shut up," Lily snapped back heatedly, shoving the book at him across the table.

_Jane Eyre_

_By Charlotte Bronte_

"Read it."

"And this will teach me about Muggle life, will it?" Sirius asked sardonically, observing the boring looking black-haired girl on the cover.

"Aspects of it," she replied delicately, folding her arms. "The important ones...well, the ones that I think are important."

"So, basically girly shite?"

"Yeah...basically."

"Fine," he moaned unhappily, already feeling the muscles in his back strain. "I'll read the book."

"As if you have a choice."

She really was the most annoying person he knew.

* * *

"_Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilised by education: they grow there, firm as weeds among stones."_

_October_

"So? How far are you?" Lily probed, once again sitting next to him yet looking more interested in the quill in her hands.

"Start of the 2nd chapter."

"Only the second?" she attacked vigorously. "It's been a month!"

"Yeah...so?" Sirius replied languidly, stretching back in the chair and staring at the ceiling. Anything to distract him from _her_. Merlin help him, she was all that occupied his mind. "We only have to meet up once a month to discuss progress. As long as I've done _something..._"

"That's beside the point!" she cut across him, shoving him in the chest. "You're supposed to be learning about Muggle life! And you still haven't given _me_ anything...apart from a headache."

"Har har..." he said mockingly, not planning on giving her any further answer.

_That's it, Sirius. Make her hate you. Make her think you're the biggest bastard the whole world. _

Huffing, Lily kicked him the shin- which did little, seeing as how her feet were probably half the size of his own.

"Well, what did you think of the first chapter then?"

"I think this chick really needs to stop moaning about her life."

Letting out a gasp of indignation, Lily kicked him again.

"Merlin, Evans would you stop that!"

"She's not moaning! Don't you understand, that's not what this is about!" Lily said emphatically, her hands flying everywhere.

Of course it wasn't. He knew damn well what it was about. Jane Eyre felt trapped. Trapped and suppressed by a life she didn't want. Never asked for.

How could he not understand?

"I gave you this book because I thought it might be a point of view you could relate to," she continued earnestly, her wide green eyes gazing at him unhappily with the look of disillusionment. "I guess I was wrong."

"Guess you were," he said simply, his stomach lurching when she slid out of the chair next to him, now not looking at him again.

Understand? Of course he did. He understood that she was Lily Evans and he was Sirius Black. He was the man she would never want and she was the girl he could never have.

He may have been trapped.

But it was for a reason.

* * *

"_If all the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends."_

_November_

Sighing heavily, Sirius set down the book. Merlin, he was the world's biggest idiot. Less than a year ago, he had been ragging on Remus for doing exactly what he wanted to do now.

Staring at the library ceiling- if he went there whilst James was at Quidditch practise, he could read unperturbed- Sirius let his mind drift back to February of last year, both wincing and revelling in the memory.

"_What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" he screamed incoherently, his mind unable to function- caught between images of James locking himself in the bathroom and Remus in a lip-lock with Lily-fucking-Evans. _

"_I know...I know..."Remus mumbled, his head in his hands, not looking at him. _

"_You know WHAT?" Sirius hissed, shoving Remus in the shoulder and forcing him to look up. _

_Bleary-eyed, Remus regarded him, and Sirius was almost positive that he saw the beginning of tears in his eyes. Unfortunately, any sympathy that Sirius may have felt for him quickly evaporated as Remus shrugged his shoulders and looked away once more. _

"_You know what your fucking problem is, Lupin," he went on, his stomach twisting in satisfaction as Remus winced at the use of his last name. "Your fucking problem is that you know shit all! Shit all about friendship and loyalty! Everything that James has done for you, Remus!" Sirius continued emphatically, his hands flying everywhere in an attempt to keep them away from Remus's throat. "Everything that he is trying to do! Merlin! Do you give a fuck about any of that?"_

_Trembling from his head downwards, Sirius's eyes widened as he suddenly saw Remus's hands clench into fists. _

"_I never asked you to do any of that!" he bit out, and Sirius knew it must be near the full moon. "You did it all off your own bat!"_

_Snarling and reeling from his ungratefulness, Sirius reared back his fist and sent it flying into Remus's head. _

"_What the hell are you doing?" came a new and more delicate voice. But no less angry. _

_Turning around, Sirius felt his stomach jump and twist into unpleasant shapes as he thought of all the trouble that this one stupid girl had caused between his friends...his family..._

"_Me?" Sirius said through indignation, eyeing the small redhead through lenses of disgust. "Me? I might bloody well ask you the same thing, Evans! You know...you __**know **__how he feels about you and still you-you-you...don't you know anything about friendship?"_

_Letting out a bark of laughter, Lily travelled over to Remus quickly, grasping him around the shoulders before beginning to check his face for marks. _

"_Yeah, Black," she bit back. "I know all about friendship and __**forgiveness**__ and __**understanding**__. Clearly it's you who knows fuck all about any of them!"_

_Letting the shock of the fact that Lily Evans's had just sworn at him wear off, Sirius let the anger drift back. _

"_Don't make me laugh, Evans's! It's not me who's wandering around Hogwarts spreading her legs like some common little whore..."_

_BAM_

He let it go after Remus hit him. It made him realise that he'd gone both too far and that Remus clearly must care about her if he hit him. Remus wasn't violent by nature. He avoided it like the plague seeing as how it plagued him once a month.

Putting his head in his hands, Sirius groaned.

When had he gone from thinking "selfish bastard" to "lucky bastard"?

It must have been some time at the end of fifth year, because he had been thinking about her ever since.

He remembered her screaming at James after their O.W.L. and being torn between screaming back at her and running over and slamming her into the nearest tree for undoubtedly more nefarious purposes.

He was an idiot. He was an absolute fucking idiot.

All he could think about was _her_ and her stupid bloody pink bra as she'd been lying underneath Remus.

Wondering how it would have felt to be the one on top of her.

How could you be so...desperate for someone that he'd barely even talked to?

Groaning once more, he picked up the book in an attempt to distract himself.

Actually it wasn't bad. He was growing more and more interested in this Miss Eyre. She had an interesting point of view on things.

If he was honest with himself, she reminded him of Lily. A good and pure voice in his head. Maybe that was why he was reading the bloody thing in the first place.

Flicking through the already creased and dog-eared pages, Sirius used the indents to find his place, somewhere about halfway through the novel.

"Ah ha!" shrieked a voice from nowhere as Sirius jumped three feet in the air. Gripping his wand and seat simultaneously, Sirius felt his heartbeat go back to normal- almost- as Lily rounded on him from behind.

She had an evil grin on her face, her eyebrows lifted in joy and her eyes sparkling in satisfaction.

"You like it," she breathed excitedly, her hands gripping at the back of the chair opposite him.

"Really?" he replied disinterestedly. "Great. Now if you'd only inform my brain of the fact..."

Smacking him around the shoulders, Lily pulled out the chair and sat down, eyes still bright and animated.

"It's eight at night...you're in the library _reading_, and not only are you reading...you're reading in the darkest corner of the library," she said happily, gesturing to their surrounding scenery.

"Your point being?"

"You're trying to hide," she beamed, flicking her hair over her shoulders. "You don't want anyone to know that you like the book!"

"_No_...I don't want anyone to see me because if they do they might take initiative and put me out of my misery..." Sirius said dryly, shoving the book further away from him.

Nodding, although obviously not convinced, Lily examined her nails.

"You're insane," she breathed. "You're as bad as Rochester's crazy wife."

"He's MARRIED?" Sirius shrieked, slamming his hands onto the table as his mouth fell open.

Grinning once more, Lily threw back her head and cackled in victory.

"You like it," she said once more, tapping her fingers on the table.

Groaning, Sirius dragged the book back.

"_Fine_," he ground out, not looking at her. "It's not bad."

Laughing again in glee, Lily smiled at him across the table.

Merlin, help him, did her smile have to be so infectious?

Before, he knew it, he found himself grinning back at her- though fighting it all the way.

"You know, before I thought you were Jane Eyre...now I'm starting to suspect you might be the crazy wife person," he said begrudgingly, furious at himself for allowing a smile in front of her.

Leaning her head forward onto the palms of her hands, Lily regarded him through a devious smirk.

"Afraid I might burn down the house?"

"Does she?" Sirius breathed in curiosity, leaning closer to her.

"I'll let you read on and find out," Lily responded, sitting back in her chair. "Well, well, well. Sirius Black- a Bronte-ite."

"Not quite," Sirius replied quickly, furrowing his brows. "I said it was alright...for a book."

"Yeah, yeah..." Lily droned, annoying him through her resistance to believe her. "So, I'm Jane Eyre, huh? I think I could live with that. Especially if Rochester shows up sometime soon," she finished cheekily.

"I said, I _thought_ you were," Sirius said deliberately. "Not so sure anymore. Besides...Rochester's a bit of a bastard isn't he? I doubt he tells Jane about his hidden wife."

"Maybe," Lily said thoughtfully, as Sirius avoided her eyes. "Let's just say, every girl loves a bad boy."

Laughing, Sirius allowed himself a glance at her.

"I said he was a liar...he's not exactly a death eater."

"In Muggle literature, where _all_ of the guys are sweet knights in shining armour, _trust_ me...Rochester is refreshing," Lily added, looking at him oddly.

Unsure of where she was going with that train of thought, Sirius spoke unsurely.

"Don't all girls want their knight in shining armour?"

"Some do," Lily replied shortly, still not removing her gaze from him. "Some don't."

Silence settled over the table, as Lily finally looked down towards her lap.

"Jane Eyre didn't."

A feeling of uneasiness bubbled in Sirius's stomach, making him feel ill.

_Everything that James has done for you!_

_You know...you __**know **__how he feels about you!_

_Don't you know anything about friendship?_

A short, disbelieving laugh interrupted Sirius's reverie and he looked up to see Lily with her head in her hands.

"I'm starting to believe you," she mumbled. "I might well be going crazy."

Sighing as she stood up, Lily picked up the book into her hands, before setting it down onto the table after a few moments.

"I'm not Jane Eyre, Sirius," she said quietly, moving around the table towards the exit. "Jane Eyre is good and pure and...and loyal."

Nodding, Sirius refused to look at her, instead focusing his attention to the plain girl on the book jacket.

"Night," she finished gently, moving away from the table.

Unable to stop himself, Sirius called after her, standing to see her figure in the dim light.

"Lily!"

"Yeah?"

"They get together, though? In the end. Rochester and Jane?"

Smiling weakly, Lily nodded.

"Yeah...I thought that would have been the most obvious thing in the world. People rarely forbid themselves anything."

"Even someone as pure as Jane?"

Nodding once more, Lily didn't answer vocally, instead offering a feeble wave, before making her way out of the library.

Throwing himself back down into the chair, Sirius slammed his head against the table.

_Not Lily...not Lily...not Lily._

_You're NOT allowed._

"Fuck," he whimpered, scratching his nails against the table. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

* * *

"_It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquillity: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it."_

_December_

Christmas cheer rang around Sirius as the Gryffindor party was in full swing. Butterbeer and Firewhiskey flowed as numerous students' bewitched mistletoe to float before dragging someone they fancied underneath the flower in an outstanding display of Dutch courage.

Unfortunately for Sirius, there was no such cheer. Christmas always made him feel miserable anyways. Tonight, he sat nursing his tumbler of amber liquid, determined that any moment he would pull his eyes away from the sickening sight before him.

Remus had had her.

He'd dumped her.

He'd almost torn the Marauder's apart with his fancy and yet he failed.

He'd dumped her and moved on.

_Didn't he know that he wasn't allowed to talk to her?_

Sirius felt his fingers tighten around his glass as he observed the duo sitting amiably on the sofa...a good distance apart...yet still too close for his liking.

_Remus had had his chance!_

Clenching his jaw as he took another sip, Sirius felt his eyes narrow as he finally let them drift only for a moment to the opposite side of the room where James was desperately trying to look interested in some blonde girl but failing miserably. His eyes inevitably drifted back to Remus and Lily nervously, the tension flowing out obviously from his whole body.

Feeling unabashedly ashamed of himself as he realised that he was watching the pair for signs of the exact same thing, Sirius downed his liquor and stormed out of the common room to the corridor.

This wasn't worth this.

_She wasn't worth this. _

He groaned when he heard a few light steps drift up behind him.

"Hey," Lily intoned gently, placing a hand on his shoulder so that he turned around to face her.

Shrugging his shoulders so he removed the offending hand that was currently making his heart race, Sirius rounded on her unable to contain his jealo-anger.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" he hissed, backing her into a corner.

"What?" she asked heatedly, looking uncomfortable. "What are you talking about?"

"You!" he replied, resisting the urge to slam his hand into the nearest wall. "Why are you talking to him? Haven't you caused enough trouble with all of that crap?"

Furrowing her brow, Lily regarded him silently for a while as the sound of Sirius's heavy breathing echoed throughout the hallway.

"I was just talking to him," she breathed, although Sirius didn't miss the underlying anger in her tone. "I'm allowed to talk to..."

"No, you're not!" Sirius bit back. "You're not allowed to talk to Remus! You almost ruined James before! I won't let you do it again- I won't!" he finished, heaving harder than he thought was possible and feeling infinitely like he should stamp his foot for emphasis.

After looking at her hands for a few intense moments, Lily finally sighed and looked down the end of the hallway, avoiding his gaze.

"Don't worry, Black," she spoke softly. "I don't like Remus in that way anymore. Nothing's going to happen."

Feeling somehow better and yet worse at the same time, Sirius moved back from her, allowing himself to lean against the stone wall opposite.

"Good," he said, not sounding as calm as he'd hoped.

"You're right," she went on, after another sigh. "Dating Potter's friends when I know how he feels about me is...despicable."

Choosing to nod rather than reply, Sirius now looked the other way.

_Despicable_ was the word.

Remember _despicable. _

"I wouldn't do that...again."

Now it was his turn to sigh.

"Good," he said again. "You've gotten the message then."

"Trust me, I have," Lily said firmly, pushing herself off of the wall. "I'll see you later."

Watching her walk back to the party, Sirius reminded himself that he'd done the right thing.

He hated doing the right thing.

Shuffling back to the common room, and unable to see Lily, Sirius did what he did best. Grabbing the nearest girl, he shoved her against the wall and stuck his tongue down her throat.

Pulling away after a suitable amount of time, Sirius groaned to realise that he didn't feel any better. Looking down at the girl still glowing and looking slightly giddy, Sirius tried to think of her name.

"What's your name?" he slurred effectively, pretending to be drunk. At least it would get him out of trouble for kissing some girl he didn't even know.

Rolling her eyes playfully, the girl simply pulled him down and kissed him again.

A few hours later, Sirius was lying in his bunk, staring at the ceiling, despairing over the fact that he couldn't remove Lily from his head.

He was just about to reach to his nightstand for _Jane Eyre_, when James came tumbling out of the bathroom holding his stomach and stinking of alcohol and vomit.

"Little too much to drink, Prongs?" Sirius droned, giving up on the book. James was a talkative drunk.

"Eugh," James garbled, flinging himself down on his bed. "Hey...P-p-padfoot?"

"Mmmm?"

"A-are you dating McKinnon?"

"Who?"

"The girl you were snogging, tonight."

Shrugging his shoulders, Sirius put his hands behind his head.

"I don't know," he replied in a lie, knowing that he'd never date the girl. He couldn't even remember what she looked like.

Letting out a moan, James sat up rather quickly.

"You should," he said, somehow managing to sound happy and miserable at the same time. "She's Lily's b-b-est mate. We could all go on datessss," he finished before passing out on his bed.

"Bugger," Sirius sighed, feeling his stomach sink.

Well, it was probably a good thing. Lily would be so pissed with him for making out with her best friend that she wouldn't touch him with a fifteen foot wand.

* * *

"_I felt-yes, idiot that I am-I felt degraded. I doubted I had taken a step which sank instead of raising me in the scale of social existence. I was weakly dismayed at the ignorance, the poverty, the coarseness of all I heard and saw round me."_

_January_

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lily hissed, suddenly appearing from nowhere beside him and throwing his long since discarded copy of _Jane Eyre_ down in front of him.

Refusing to look up in a gallant attempt to seem disinterested, Sirius instead continued casting jinxes at the bluebottles from his place at the base of the beach tree.

"Many things, Evans. Where would you like me to start?" he drawled in response.

A sharp smack on the top of his head was his answer.

"You may think that you're fooling me, Black, but you're not!" she spat vigorously. "You're so bloody see-through that it's pathetic."

Saying nothing and setting his jaw in a rather impertinent manner, Sirius sat where he was, hoping that she'd go away of her own accord. No such luck.

Instead she knelt down beside him- so close that he could feel her warm breath on the base of his neck.

"You can do whatever the hell you want to piss me off, Black," she breathed, gentle in her anger- so much so that it set him on edge. "Sleep with Marlene if you must," she continued, as Sirius felt his stomach jump. "But you won't make me fail. I won't. Not because of you. You're not worth it."

Standing in front of him, Lily was about to turn away when Sirius felt a fire ignite within him.

"Jealousy's a petty thing, Evans," he called after her, unable to stop himself.

Stopping in her tracks, Lily turned to face him; her green eyes alight with some emotion Sirius couldn't place.

"I know, Sirius," she said dangerously, making his skin chill at the use of his first name. "But then so is denial."

Turning on her heel once more, Sirius watched her flounce away as his fists clenched. Bloody bitch.

Letting out a gruff breath, he stood up and threw himself after her. Deciding that she didn't deserve a hand to hand gesture, he grimaced in satisfaction as she shrieked when his hands closed around her fiery hair flowing into the evening air. Tugging on the mane, he dragged her backwards towards the tree before slamming her against it.

Revelling in her flushed cheeks, bright eyes and furious expression, Sirius pinned her by her arms, unable to stop himself anymore. If he was honest, not wishing to by any means.

"Who says I'm in denial?" he bit out roughly, his fingers digging into her soft upper arms as he did something he'd been wanting to do since the end of fifth year.

Shoving his lips against hers violently, he felt her struggle beneath him, kicking and snarling in her foolish attempts to get away. Pressing her to the bark more insistently, Sirius kissed her harder, feeling her mouth open in shock at his persistent ministrations.

But then something happened. She began to kiss him back. Feeling her willingly kiss him did something to Sirius. Suddenly he was no longer angry. No longer disturbed. Instead he felt...alive.

As she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down towards her she began pressing herself insistently against him. And, unable to help himself once more, in a sickening display of emotion, Sirius felt his hands drift upwards of their own accord to grasp at her wind-bitten cheeks lovingly, finally letting all the denial he had left drift out of his body.

He had never kissed anyone like this before. He had never experienced a kiss where it had meant something. Where he thought he might never live happily again if he was denied her lips forever.

Despairing at the thought, Sirius backed her further into the tree- desperate to keep her close- all to himself. Trapped between him and the tree. Trapped away from Remus and James and anyone else who thought they might have had a claim on her.

Unable to bite back a groan, as she threaded her fingers through his hair, Sirius froze at the sound of a voice.

"Well, well, well..." it sneered, as Sirius jumped away from Lily, who still stood as if glued to the tree. "I wonder if Potter knows where his best friend is tonight, Severus?"

Still frozen, Sirius was unable to move as he regarded his younger brother and Severus Snape standing before them- one looking like he'd just won a Nimbus- the other, as grave as Sirius felt.

Looking to his left, Sirius breathed heavily as he witnessed the tears that were pooling in Lily's eyes. Thinking of nothing better to do, Sirius pulled out his wand and fixed it on the pair in front of him. He was about to utter a hex when a cry interrupted him as Lily fled from the scene, back towards the castle- her loving book trampled heinously into the mud.

Regulus opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius got there before him.

"Shut the fuck up," he spat at his brother, the wand in his grip shaking. "Say anything and I'll fucking kill you," he threatened, his voice sounding far less dangerous than he would have hoped.

Regulus again opened his mouth to speak, but this time it was Snape who got there before him.

"Go back to the castle, Regulus," he said deeply, his eyes never leaving Sirius's.

"What?" the younger Black began to protest. "But..."

"I said now," Snape cut in his harsh tones that left no room for further argument.

Moving his shoulders in a flourished huff, Regulus turned and stomped back to the castle doors.

As his sibling departed, Sirius's eyes narrowed as Snape raised his own wand.

"Touch her like that again," he said steadily, "and everyone- including Potter- will know."

"As if I'd ever listen to anything you had to say, _Snivellous_," Sirius said bitterly, his old hatreds flying back.

Snape took a step towards him.

"Put your hands on Lily again..." Snape enunciated clearly before Sirius cut him off.

"You don't have the fucking right to tell me who I can and can't touch..."

His mouth moving into a thin line, Severus regarded him fixatedly.

"She's not yours, Black," he said after a while, so slowly that Sirius had to strain to hear him. "Go back to Potter," he continued, the hatred now clearly back in his voice as his tongue wrapped its way around his nemesis's name. "Leave Lily alone."

Before he could reply, Snape turned on his heel and swept away from him.

Sirius sank to the ground- not caring about the mud. Picking up the crinkled copy of _Jane Eyre_, he took it and flung it into the lake.

* * *

"_I had not intended to love him; the reader knows I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected; and now, at the first renewed view of him, they spontaneously revived, great and strong! He made me love him without looking at me."_

_February _

He was a glutton for punishment, Sirius decided, as he took in the view below him. Merlin, she was beautiful. Especially after he had just finished kissing her. He flushed cheeks, bruised lips and flaming eyes did nothing to ignite dismay and guilt within him, instead leaving his brain to garner emotions of lust and covetousness.

He was a bastard. He knew it. He had deliberately deceived his best friend so that he might have alone time with her.

Convincing James that Remus could not be trusted alone with Lily during their patrolling hours had been all too easy. Playing on his best friends mistrust had let him happily to the situation of replacement prefect whenever Remus had patrols with her. Evenings like these whenever Remus was in the Whomping Willow waiting to transform just gave him an added evening to be with her. Assuring James that he would join them after patrol, Sirius had run off to meet her, excited with the news he had for her.

He had finished the book. After having fished it out of the lake, he had spent the next month pouring through it, determined to finish.

That particular piece of news had let to his current happy predicament, stuffed in between a broom and a mop bucket as she kissed him mercilessly.

"Thank you for doing that for me," she breathed, finally breaking away from him in her need for air.

"I didn't do it for you," he replied cockily, his hands clutching at her waist. "I did it because I needed to pass this class," he went on, unable to regale her with tales of how he'd do anything for her- he had used that line a hundred times. She was worth so much more than that.

A small hit to his arm was his price to pay.

Kissing him again, she spoke headily between her lips meeting his.

"And so have you come to your conclusion yet? Am I Jane or the crazy Mrs. Rochester?" she asked cheekily, the feel of her body doing nothing to help the coherency of his head.

Grinning deviously, he replied. "Oh, definitely the crazy wife in the attic," he said, as her lips cut him off. "I think I need to warn Dumbledore to keep an eye on the fireplaces," he added smartly, pulling her towards him for another kiss.

Laughing against his lips, she thrust her fingers into his hair. "And who is Jane then?" she asked with faux innocent curiosity. "Who is the poor, unsuspecting soul that you are hiding me from?"

A hollow laugh fell out of Sirius's mouth as his mind automatically went to James.

"Sorry," she said softly, pulling away from him as his hands fell from her waist.

Nodding that it was okay, Sirius checked his watch.

"I'd better be going," he said gruffly, moving towards the door. "Duty calls."

Replying softy that she'd see him later, Lily banged into the back of him as Sirius stopped in his tracks in front of an open door.

There stood Snape.

He couldn't have seen much of Lily but a flash of red hair was enough. Bolting down the stairs immediately, Sirius tore after his figure, leaving a calling Lily behind him.

His heart pounded in his chest as he thought of Snape's face as he told James. Of _James's_ face as he heard the news.

Clenching his fists he ran faster after Snape, who by now had reached the Castle Doors. Flinging them open, he disappeared out into the darkness followed quickly by Sirius.

"Snape!" Sirius screamed after him. "Snape!"

"Where is he?" Snape snarled, turning to face Sirius, panting from the exercise. "Where's Potter? I saw him come out here earlier. Where is he?"

Breathing heavily, unable to think clearly, Sirius's eyes drifted to his left- to just behind Snape- to the Whomping Willow.

Following his eyeline, Snape turned once more and ran towards the tree.

"He's in there, isn't he?" Snape spat back at him, striding towards the hideout. "He's in there with Lupin doing whatever it is you all do every month! I saw him! I saw him earlier go in that tree with Pomfrey! Where is he, Black?"

Half running, half tripping after Severus, Sirius felt sick.

Sick and sweaty and half desperate.

James's face when he found out...

Arriving just in front of the tree so as not to get hit, Severus stood stock still, heaving.

"When Potter finds out..." he began bitterly, his fists clenched around his wand.

"The knot," Sirius said quietly.

"What?"

"The knot at the bottom of the tree. That's how you get it to stop moving."

Letting out an almighty snarl, Severus ran forward, ducking out of the way of the branches and pressing the knot. He disappeared just in time to hear James's scream of "NO" followed by darkness.

After James had kicked him out of the dorm room, Sirius had stumbled out of the portrait, unable to walk properly, wishing to throw up a third time. Clutching at the stone wall, he sank towards the ground, his head in his hands.

What had he done?

How would Remus _ever_ forgive him?

"Sirius?" came a soft voice, as he jerked his head upwards, his eyes bleary and red with tears. Lily stood in front of him in her thin nightgown, her arms laden with pastries and a tankard of steaming tea. "Sirius?" she asked again, concern permeating her voice. "What's wrong?"

Shaking his head in response, Sirius allowed it to fall once more into his lap, banging his forehead against his knee.

"Come on," she said gently, dragging at his elbow with one arm. "Come on," she coaxed, helping him to stand and moving him back into the common room.

Setting her load down on the table, she turned back to him and moved him towards the sofa in front of the dying fire.

Kneeling in front of him, she brought her hands up to his face, wiping away the tears.

"What happened?" she whispered, looking up at him sincerely.

It hurt to meet her eyes so he closed his, allowing more tears to fall.

"I-I-I'm s-s-so fucked up," he stuttered through emotion, his shoulders shaking. "S-s-so fucked up."

"No you're not," Lily replied earnestly, her hands now moving down to clasp his. "Don't say that."

"I am," he hissed, letting his head fall forward again. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I throw away everything. My family. My friends..."

"You haven't thrown away anything, Sirius," Lily said more loudly now. "You still have all of your friends...James, Remus, Peter- everyone in Gryffindor..."

"You?" he asked bitterly, his heart lurching painfully, rendering him unable to speak.

She nodded gently instead of replying, her hands tightening around his.

"No," he bit out, shaking his head. "I _can't_ have you," he breathed, his hands now shaking again underneath hers. "I can't. I don't."

Placing her fingers steadily underneath his chin, she moved his head upwards to meet her eyes with his own.

"But you do," she responded tenderly, her eyes boring into his own. As he tried to turn his head to look away, she refused to let him, her fingers grasping at his face. "I love you, Sirius."

It flowed out of her and straight into his head, as suddenly there was nothing else in the world but him and her. And the fact that she loved him.

He gazed into her eyes, as they lay there, their bodies entwined in front of the near dead fire. Stroking his hand over her naked hip, he marvelled at the softness of her skin, the way her legs connected to her body, the way her neck flowed down towards her breasts. She was perfect.

Pulling her closer, he buried his head into her hair, adoring the smell- one that he would never forget.

Feeling her sigh, he allowed his hands the luxury of her stomach, twisting them around the base in an act of comfort.

Pressing a kiss to her neck, he tried to think of some way to vocalise his feelings for her. 'I love you' was useless. He'd told her anyways as he'd entered her for the first time, needing someway to take away the pain he'd just caused her. Meaning it with all of his soul just didn't seem like enough anymore.

"Run away with me," he whispered into her hair, pulling her even tighter towards him.

As she twisted her head around to look at him lovingly, she pressed a kiss to his lips, before biting them slightly.

"Where to?"

"Anywhere," he replied, kissing her once more. "America...Rome...Thornfield."

Smiling lightly at his joke, Lily turned in his arms to link her arms around his neck.

"We can't," she said happily. "I burnt it down, remember?"

Sighing into her shoulder, he inhaled her scent, as he shook his head.

"No," he said delicately. "You're Jane. _My _Jane. You'll run away with me from my crazy old wife and marry me."

"Don't you remember? Jane wouldn't leave with Rochester," Lily responded deftly, her hand now stroking his back.

"Yes, well, that Rochester wasn't as good-looking as me," Sirius said smirking, as Lily rolled her eyes at him. "Any girl would be happy to run away with me," he added cockily, gazing down at her. "But I'd only take one," he finished quietly, entwining her fingers with his own.

Smiling she sat up, making his own peaceful expression fade.

"It's 4am," she said, gesturing to the clock on the mantelpiece.

Sighing, Sirius sat up, his hands drifting irresistibly once more to her back.

"I suppose that means we should get to bed," he murmured.

Nodding, Lily stood up, pulling her night gown back on before giving him a hand standing up.

Taking her hand, Sirius moved with her towards her dormitory, standing and waiting at the base of the steps as she took one step up.

Kissing him gently, she took her time, allowing him to savour this time in the morning when they could be together openly.

"Night," she said softly, after her kiss, as she moved towards the door.

"Night," he replied, listening to the door slam.

Walking back over to the sofa he flung himself down onto it and tried to get comfortable. Unsuccessfully.

* * *

"_Gentle reader, may you never feel what I then felt? May your eyes never shed such stormy, scalding, heart-wrung tears as poured from mine. May you never appeal to Heaven in prayers so hopeless and so agonized as in that hour left my lips; for never may you, like me, dread to be the instrument of evil to what you wholly love."_

_March_

A month passed as Sirius lived on. Remus had taken time off school to recover, instead spending all of his hours in the dorm in bed. As such, James wouldn't even let him into the room. But it didn't matter. During those quiet hours in the evening, Lily would sneak down from her tower and join him, whispering softly to him all the things he meant to her. Those hours alone made life worth living.

James still ignored him, still refused to talk to him. Sirius made every effort to re-enter his good graces, his happy mood too high to be dulled by James's bad temper.

Yet still guilt racked him. Of all the selfish things he could have done- to have turned Remus in like that was...below even him.

And so, one night when James was at Quidditch practise, Sirius snuck upwards to his dormitory.

Creaking the door open, he entered quietly, wishing not to wake his friend.

"Don't bother. I'm awake," came Remus's gruff voice, sounding as if he had just come out of a fight.

"Right," Sirius said awkwardly, sidling over to his own bed and sitting down upon it.

"I'm sorry," he began, feeling and sounding equally stupid.

"I bet you are," Remus replied bitterly, sitting up to look at him.

"What I did was...was..."

"Was no worse than what you're doing to James," Remus cut in on top of him, staring straight at him?

Sirius felt his heart skip a beat.

"Sorry?"

"You know, you really need to take the map with you whenever you're busy locking yourself in broom closets with Lily," he went on dangerously. "Who knows who might find out what you've been up to?"

The nausea was back, as Sirius froze unable to move or think.

"You know?" he said, after swallowing forcefully.

"I would have thought that was obvious."

"Does-does..."

"James know? No. As if I'd let you drag him into this..._again_," Remus replied through an acidic laugh.

Putting his head in his hands, Sirius groaned.

"I know, I know," Remus continued, sounding anything but understanding. "I know I have no right to do this to you after what I did but...but I'm not you, Sirius. Me being with Lily hurt him. _You_ being with Lily...would _kill_ him. I'm asking you to think of everything you said to me last year. You were right. We'll forget all about this- everything with Snape- and go back to being the group we were. I can't lose the Marauders, Sirius. Neither can you. It's the only family we have."Feeling his insides creak, Sirius shook his head dully.

He couldn't lose her.

He couldn't.

"I love her," he responded deeply, twisting his hands in his lap.

"You think I don't?" Remus snarled, his chest heaving uncontrollably. Looking the other way as Sirius regarded him, he swore lowly in an obvious attempt to will his breathing back to normal. "You think I didn't?" he asked again, sounding calmer, as Sirius decided to disregard the 'mistake'. "But I had to do what was right for our friendship, Padfoot," he stated, the nickname travelling straight to Sirius's heart.

Silence reigned as Sirius felt his heart beating in his chest, doubt pooling in his stomach.

"Eventually you'll realise that you can't have both of them," Remus added wisely, his voice sounding shaky. "That you'll have to choose between James and Lily. You're going to lose one of them, Sirius. Or, if you let it go on for too long, you could end up losing both. Either way, I'm not going to wait around for you to decide. I'm stopping hiding the map and I'm not going to cover for you anymore when James asks where you are. I'm done," he finished firmly, his eyes not leaving Sirius. "It's time to make up your mind, Sirius."

Swallowing, Sirius willed the tears in his eyes back.

"She won't let me go, Remus," he said shakily. "She'll tell James."

"You'll have to make sure she doesn't. I'm sure you'll think of something, Sirius. There are plenty of girls in this castle who never want to speak to you again. What's one more?"

"Hey," Lily said brightly, standing in front of him and blocking his view of the sunset in the astronomy tower. "I thought I'd find you here. I feel like you've been avoiding me lately," she added, sounding uncertain.

When he said nothing, she began speaking again.

"Anyways, it's two weeks until the assignments due in so I'm afraid you're going to have to give me something to study, Sirius!" she said, almost sounding normal. Mostly sounding nervous. "Sirius?"

Fixing his face in a snarl, Sirius turned around to regard her through sparkling eyes. "I don't need to give you anything, Evans," he replied finally, his heart lurching painfully at the look on her face when he used her last name. "I already have."

"What are you talking about?"

"Pureblood lifestyle," he droned arrogantly, examining his nails rather than her. "Well, pureblood sport really."

"Sport?" she asked in her confusion, moving towards him. "What are you on about?"

Letting a laugh escape his throat, Sirius finally looked at her. "Pureblood sport," he said simply, willing cruelty into his voice. "Find some slutty little mudblood who's gagging for it; make her fall for you..."

He only got halfway through the sentence as Lily's palm smacked straight across his face.

Ignoring the pain, Sirius let the smirk find him again. "...and then dump her."

Smiling up at him through tears that had yet to fall, Lily swallowed. "Nice try," she said tearily. "What happened? Did he find out?"

"Did who find out, Evans?"

"Potter!"

"I fucking hope not," he replied crassly, leaning against the wall. "I don't want anyone knowing that I put my hands on you. I'd never be accepted to any good party ever again."

Sounding very much like she was hyperventilating, Lily moved away from him.

"Don't say that," she whispered. "If you want to leave, then leave. But don't act like it meant nothing to you."

This time, he let out a cackle.

"This isn't an act, love," he sneered, as Lily winced. "If you think you're the only girl I've been shagging this past month, then you're more of an idiot than I thought."

Sobbing unabashedly now, Lily turned away to hide her tears.

"Y-yo-you'rrrr"

"I'm a Black, Evans. Count yourself lucky I ever let you touch me. I suppose you were alright for a while but eh...the novelty has worn off. You're a bit used, to be honest."

Letting out a cry, Lily rounded on him and sent a hex flying straight at him.

"What is it with you?" she screamed, as Sirius fell to the floor, paralyzed. "What is it with you and Remus and everyone else?" she went on, the tears flowing freely down her face. "Why will you throw everything away for James-_fucking_-Potter? What's so goddamn special about him that you're willing to break my heart?"

On the last sentence she crumpled onto the floor, head in her hands, shoulders shaking in grief.

Unable to move or speak, Sirius lay there watching her. He supposed he deserved this. If he was leaving her like this, he deserved nothing less than to be forced to lie there and watch her pain. He had caused all of it.

Finally, she stood. Still crying, yet not looking at him. Slowly, she dragged her broken form out of the tower silently, not even sparing him one last look.

"You'll find out, Lily," he whispered in the darkness, as his voice came back to him. "You'll find out why James is so special when you fall in love with him."

He let himself lie there, even after his limbs came back.

Remus had promised to speak to James for him; get them talking again. He knew when he went back to the dorm he'd be greeted with friendly calls once more. He just didn't think he could bear to hear them right now.

* * *

"Hey, Padfoot. You alright?"

A nod.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just fired the nanny, that's all."

...

"What?"

"Forget it."

"Okay...so I'm half way through the book you suggested."

"Oh?"

"Mmm...it's good. This guy Rochester though? Bit of an asshole isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is."

"_I did wrong: I would have sullied my innocent flower-breathed guilt on its purity: the Omnipotent snatched it from me."_


	3. Emma Woodhouse & John Knightley

_September_

"_Human nature is so well disposed towards those who are in interesting situations, that a young person, who either marries or dies, is sure of being kindly spoken of."_

She strode along forcefully, the cold early winter winds whipping at her long tendrils and construing them about her face in an unruly manner. In the distance, the Hogwarts Express let off a steaming noise that just about drowned out Alice's annoying prattling but did nothing to distil the thumping resolution in Lily's heart.

"But won't you be lonely?" the small, pretty blonde probed continuously, jogging to keep up an even pace with her best friend.

"_Lonely?_" Lily all but spat, folding her arms about herself in a fruitless attempt to stave off the ensuing drop in temperatures. "Alice, I can honestly tell you that I am so sick and just..._done_ with men in general that if I never see another one of them again, it will be too soon."

Ignoring Alice's look of incredulity, Lily continued on her path towards the train pushing back the painful memories of the past two years and three men who she had both lost and loved in her own, secret way.

And all because of one boy.

One stupid, juvenile idiot who just couldn't stay out of her own...

"Lily?" came Alice's sharp voice cutting through her angry reverie.

"Sorry," the red head mumbled, "got caught in my thoughts there."

"You're blushing," her friend pointed out, as Lily patted her cheeks in a dull attempt to get rid of the flush, not bothering to inform Alice that it was, in fact, an angry roar that covered her face and not a pleasant one.

Shrugging, Lily continued to pull her trunk, wondering why- even though she had managed to shake off the rejections of Sirius and Remus- and to a lesser extent, Severus's- she still felt her blood boil at the very thought of James Potter.

"You're not going to be able to avoid him the whole year, you know," Alice continued conversationally, still trotting along beside Lily like an annoying little conscience.

"I have no idea what you mean, Alice..."

"I can always tell when you're thinking about him, Lily," the girl went on, hammering brutal nail after nail into Lily's internal monologue. "You clench your fists, flush uncontrollably and start to grind your teeth."

"That is beside the point," Lily interjected, sounding a bit shriller than she had intended. "All I'm saying is that this year, I'm done with guys. No dating, no flirting, no kissing and definitely _no _marauders."

Alice mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'why should this year be any different' but cut herself off as Lily eyed her angrily.

"I'm serious, Alice. Having been the idiot those three have played pass the parcel with for the past two years, I'm never going near another one of them again," Lily gritted forcefully, feeling her stomach churn just from the very resolve she was emitting. "I will be not only single but the best celibate Hogwarts has ever seen, and that's including McGonagall, alright?"

Smirking disbelievingly, Alice shrugged her coat around her shoulders and trotted on merrily.

"I don't know what you're looking so happy about, Miss Patterson," the girl added haughtily, regarding Alice through superior eyes. "Just because I am sworn off men does not mean that you are."

"Oh no, Lily," Alice replied quickly through a stutter, her gaze quickly diverting downwards. "After Matthew I..."

"After Matthew, nothing!" Lily hissed, poking Alice in the side harshly. "It's been at least eight months since that ingrate made the biggest mistake of his life and it's time for you to start realising how much better you deserve."

Alice's gaze did not lift from the floor as the duo continued to walk and it was at moments like these when Lily realised how deeply her friend's self-esteem had been cut by the actions of another ungrateful man.

"So," the unswerving Head Girl said coaxingly, looping her arm around the bashful girl's shoulders supportively, "I hereby make it my mission to find you, Alice Patterson, the perfect gentleman to accompany you on the horrible journey known as seventh year and hopefully for a little while after, deal?"

Smiling a little, Alice patted her friend's hand sparingly.

"Lily, you don't have to do that. You're going to be busy enough this year without..."

"Alice, it has come to my attention that you are incapable of picking good guys," Lily cut in with finality, now shaking her shoulders. "And even when you do fancy a guy, you never do anything about it! What you need is a matchmaker to ensure both your lasting happiness and his."

Sighing reluctantly when she realised that she was Lily's project for this year- the past two having been Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, with Severus Snape being marked down in the 'life-long project' folder, Alice nodded bleakly.

Lily needed a distraction.

Her love life would provide a decent one.

"Good," Lily said cheerfully, drawing a positive inference from Alice's silence. "You will have more suitors that you can shake a wand at by the end of the month."

"And you...?" Alice queried hopefully.

"And I shall happily have none," Lily went on firmly, pausing to stop and step onto the train. "No Remus Lupin," she gritted, heaving her trunk onto the carriage, "no Sirius Black," she bit out breathily, dragging the rattling trunk with great force towards the Head's compartment, "and definitely _no_ James Potter," she finished with flourish and assurance as she slid the compartment door open.

Mother of Hell.

* * *

_October_

"_Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised, or a little mistaken."_

"Is there any particular reason you're twenty minutes late?" Lily asked quietly, knowing full well that the question would only illicit an excuse in response but unable to prevent herself from asking- it was a force of habit to question and critique any of his movements.

"I don't suppose you'll take Quidditch practise running late as a legitimate excuse?" James responded easily, throwing his extra gear over into the corner of the Heads Common Room and coming to seat himself beside her on the couch.

Raising her eyebrows lightly, Lily sighed before returning to the parchment in front of her.

"What are you reading?" the fellow Head student enquired delicately in an obvious attempt to ease the tension.

"Well, whilst waiting for you to attend our meeting, I was making a list," she answered in clipped tones, noting for once the distance James has put between them on the sofa. Two years ago he would have been practically sitting on top of her.

"Of guys in our year?" James furthered, leaning forward slightly to eye the parchment and Lily wondered if the wobble in his voice was from confusion or worry. Or why she cared.

"Mmm..." she murmured succinctly, inwardly counting through the list of names. "For Alice."

"Alice?"

"Yeah, I'm finding her the perfect guy," Lily clarified gently, scratching off a couple of clearly unsuitable names for reasons of previous attachments.

"Oh," came the mildly surprised reply as Lily once more noticed that he hadn't suggested himself in some sort of corny joke. "Well I can tell you who you need right away, no list required," he went on, whilst Lily wondered if she had thought too soon.

"Oh, yes?" she asked, attempting to sound polite- she'd promised Marlene she'd make an effort.

"Yeah," James continued matter-of-factly, "Frank Longbottom."

The quill all but dropped out of Lily's hand as she leant forward, unable to stave off both the coughing fit and bought of laughter that chose to plague her simultaneously. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes and bent double, she heaved in an attempt to right herself; bolting upright only when she felt James's hand patting her on the back.

"What?" he enquired somewhat defensively, withdrawing his hand hastily at her obviously lukewarm reaction.

"You're serious?" Lily pressed, wiping the excess water from her eyes.

"Completely."

"And you've seen Frank Longbottom, yes?" she questioned further, fully aware of the cattiness of her own voice but unable to help herself.

Rolling his eyes, James leant back against the edge of the sofa.

"We can't all be good-looking, Lily," he countered bluntly, eyeing her steadily and not making clear which one of them he was referring to.

Undeterred, Lily repositioned her quill and began sorting through the list in her head again.

"He's crazy about her," James said abruptly, now cracking his knuckles in a manner which made Lily want to hex him.

"Mmmm..."

"It doesn't matter how many names you have on that list, you'll never find one who is as in love with Alice as Frank is," he proceeded determinedly, as Lily gave into his bait.

"And you would know this how?"

"Eh..."

"Exactly," Lily cut in heartily, giving a small smile at her victory. "You don't. He hasn't said a thing. But if you had your way, I'd tell her to go for it, she'd make a fool of herself, two months later Frank's dating some bimbo from Hufflepuff and Alice is broken-hearted."

Regarding her sardonically, James exhaled deeply.

"It doesn't matter if he hasn't said anything," he mitigated calmly. "I can recognise the signs."

Swallowing at the bluntness of his statement, Lily met him eye to eye about to ask what these signs were.

"You don't have to tell her to go for it," James interrupted quickly, clearly unwilling to answer whatever questions she put. "Just tell him that it's ok to make a move on her. Frank's a shy guy- he needs a bit of encouragement."

Steering her mind back to the current issue, Lily waved his advice away.

"Listen, you've seen Frank, so you've definitely seen Alice," Lily began definitively, twirling her quill between her fingers. "Alice is beautiful..."

"She's _pretty_," James corrected delicately.

"And smart..."

"And a bit ditzy at times..."

"And funny..."

"And she laughs a lot..."

"And a nice person."

"Or boring..."

"James!" Lily snapped, sick of his barracking.

Sighing, James ran a hand through his hair although Lily got the impression it was more for stress relief than for its appearance.

"Look, all I'm saying is that Alice has her flaws like everybody else," he suggested, leaning his elbows forward onto his knees. "So don't go telling her that she's perfect and deserves somebody flawless, alright? Frank loves her regardless of her flaws. In fact he probably doesn't even think that they are flaws!"

"Because they aren't," Lily interjected resolutely.

Nodding in acceptance, the Head Boy continued.

"Apparently not. But not everyone sees it the way you do, Lily," James pressed practically. "Don't you think she'd be better off with someone who loves her just as she is rather than with someone who's going to try and change her?"

"People change all the time for the ones they love," Lily answered breezily, getting lost in a reverie of her favourite love novels. "Most of the time for the better."

"That's not real love," James rebutted quietly, leaning back once more. "Real love is when you love regardless of fault."

"Be that as it may," the red head continued, steering the conversation back into safer waters. "I'm not including Frank Longbottom on this list. Besides, Alice doesn't even fancy him. They're potions partners, that's all."

Shaking his head, James suddenly conjured up two Butterbeer bottles out of nowhere. Passing her one as Lily's mouth fell open in question, James took a swig airily.

"I'm surprised at you, Evans," he began humorously and the whole tone of the conversation changed. "I thought you'd be quite the idealist, what with all that mid 19th century romanticism you read."

Readying herself for a defence, Lily was just about to rebut when a question entered her head.

"How do you know what I read?" she asked curiously, a few pricks of doubt and guilt appearing in her stomach at the thoughts of Remus and Sirius.

"You leant Remus and Sirius books..." James explained, as Lily hoped she wasn't flinching visibly at their names spoken aloud.

"And you read them?" she enquired disbelievingly.

"That's what people generally do with books, Evans," the Head Boy said smartly as she swotted at his shoulders good-naturedly before taking a swig.

"Why, though?" the girl pushed, swinging her legs up underneath herself; all thoughts of drafting a prefects patrol schedule gone from her head.

"Why not?" James answered evasively, shrugging his shoulders. "They're good books, aren't they?"

"The best," Lily defended instantly, her head rising in defiance.

"So, there. A perfectly good reason for reading them," he said lackadaisically, a small smile decorating his features.

"So, you did like them?" Lily wondered, suddenly finding herself rapt with attention for his opinion.

Nodding slowly, James's brow furrowed.

"They were good," came the half-hearted answer. "I never understood the girls in them though," James went on as Lily realised that quite out of nowhere- she was having a conversation with James Potter. "They always went off with the wrong guys."

Mouth open slightly, Lily let out a small laugh at his diagnosis, unable to defend her previous loves quite as fervently as she'd hoped- a tiny part of her agreed. Past experience wouldn't let her heart do anything else.

"I think I'd like a book where the girl goes with the right guy," he continued conversationally, scratching the back of his head. "Where you just know he's the one for her; no disagreeing about it."

"You disagreed with Rochester and Brandon?" Lily asked as her mind began to whirl with books that might work.

"Rochester was just an asshole," James scoffed, folding his arms. "Brandon was boring."

Smiling lightly, Lily was just about to reply when her mind succeeded. Reaching down over the edge of the sofa, her arm sought out her satchel and reached within. Retrieving the tome, she presented it grandly.

"Here," she said happily, handing him the book.

"_Emma_," James echoed, his eyes scanning the title, fingers grasping item. "Jane Austen, isn't it?"

Impressed as the author wasn't printed, Lily nodded graciously.

"There's a mark in this," he stated, indicating Lily's small piece of decorated parchment. "Are you reading it?"

"Yeah, but I've read it before," Lily answered pleasantly, waving away his concern. "You'll like it, trust me. Within three pages you'll see who she's meant to be with."

Smiling down at the novel, James set it aside on the coffee table.

"I'll start it as soon as I can."

"You're reading something else?" she questioned, slightly peeved that he wasn't jumping on it straight away.

Nodding, James yawned tiredly, opening the buttons on the top of his collar.

"Wuthering Heights," he responded when Lily's eyes probed further. "But I'm nearly done."

At this, Lily's heart and stomach gave the strongest revulsion of all. Worse still, she felt tears rush to the front of her eyes and blinked rapidly in an attempt to quell them.

"And what do you think of it?" she asked quietly, hoping she sounded normal. "Should Cathy have ended up with Heathcliff?"

Crinkling his nose, James shook his head.

"Nah," he breathed in displeasure. "That moody git? She was way too good for him. Besides, I like Edgar."

Humour, irony and hurt flooded her all at once, and Lily forced a smile.

"Of course you do," Lily said cryptically, standing up before James could enquire further. "But read '_Emma'_ when you get the chance. You'll like it, I promise."

Smirking up at her, James nodded and his eyes followed her as she moved towards the dormitory.

"We'll see, Evans, we'll see."

* * *

_November_

_"And have you never known the pleasure and triumph of a lucky guess? I pity you. I thought you cleverer; for depend upon it, a lucky guess is never merely luck. There is always some talent in it."_

It was a bit difficult not to stare at him, Lily mused, as her eyes drifted over the beautiful sandy blonde hair that Amos Diggory possessed. Especially not when said hair was busy glinting in the early afternoon sunlight that was streaming in through the windows.

It was distracting her to an alarming degree..._not_ that she fancied him or anything.

Her resolution to avoid men altogether remained steadfast...

It was just that when he was sitting like that- with his back to her- bent over some thousand page thick tomb, looking so studious...well she really couldn't help wanting him to look her way.

And besides...Amos Diggory was the thinking woman's alternative to any of the Marauders. For there were two types of girls in Hogwarts; the Black/Potter/Lupin bunch who loved the mischief and the limelight and all of the stupid ceremony that came along with it and then there were the Diggory girls. The ones who liked the quiet life that came along with having Amos call you his...the whispered tones that would follow you down the hallway because even though no one was certain he was in love with you- it was pretty much certain that he was from the way his hand slipped into yours while no one was looking.

And though her previous record would suggest that she was very much part of the former group, in her heart, Lily knew, she was and always had been the kind of girl that liked the kind of guy that Amos was.

He shifted in his chair and Lily was jolted back to the present.

_Not that it mattered_, because she was off boys. Even ones as spectacularly perfect as Amos Diggory.

With reluctance, Lily forced her eyes back to the list at hand. Now that she considered it thoroughly, she could really see only one option for Alice.

And it gave her great displeasure to admit it, because Fabian Prewett was without doubt, the greatest idiot that Hogwart's possessed.

But, she reminded herself; she had to consider all the things that Prewett was not as opposed to all the things he was.

He wasn't a womanizer, nor was he a lout. Sure, he was a bit of an exhibitionist- in the same way that Black or Potter was- _but_, unlike the aforementioned duo, Fabian knew when to stop.

And just because he wasn't Lily's type- _at all_- didn't mean that he couldn't be Alice's type. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more Lily was certain that...

"Are you finished with Ashhead's Potionry?" came a quiet voice out of nowhere as Lily jumped in her seat.

"Eh, yeah..." she breathed a little too bashfully, as her heart thumped a rapid beat in the knowledge of the fact that Amos Diggory was talking to her.

Pressing her fingers to the top of the thick leather-bound book, Lily slid the pages towards his figure, barely daring to look up in case he see the blush she could feel spreading about her cheeks.

"Thanks," was Amos's genuine response, as he picked the book up easily and placed it under his arm.

She smiled into her parchment- still unable to look up- and was waiting for the relief that would flood her when he finally went away; she was too damn demure for her own good.

"Fabian Prewett, eh?" Amos said, still quite obviously present as he stood upright beside her chair, peering over her list. "I didn't realise he was your type," he quipped and Lily jumped to remember that she'd circled the name with a big heart.

"Oh no!" Lily responded quickly, covering the name with her hand and forcing herself to look up at him even though her cheeks matched the colour of her hair. "It's not for me...I'm setting Alice up..."

"Ah," he nodded in understanding, smiling although he was seemingly studying the bookshelf to their right. "Well...thanks for the book, Lily. I'll see you around?"

His question was half-asked but it echoed clearly around Lily's ears- her head reeled and she saw in her head dates and Christmas and kissing…and it made her feel nauseous. She wanted to look up to answer him but she couldn't. All she could feel was her not yet healed heart hissing in pain as it beat against her chest and she kept her eyes firmly fixed on the page.

Not yet. There was just no way.

Lily was so busy pondering the implications of her inability to reply that she didn't even notice James wander up to the pair and was only alerted to his presence when Amos greeted him.

"Potter," Amos said informally, giving the boy a quick nod as James pulled out the chair opposite to Lily and sat down easily.

"How's the training going, Amos?" James queried politely, picking a book out of his satchel and setting it down in front of him.

"Well, actually," Amos replied with a small smile, leaning on the edge of the desk, his lower arm almost brushing the edge of Lily's hair. "We should be ready to meet you goal for goal on Saturday."

"Good," Potter responded briefly, pulling his chair further into the table, accidentally knocking his knee off of Lily's. "Hogwarts' has been needing a good game."

"That it has," was the pleasant reply, before Amos obviously decided that the conversation was over and moved away from the pair. "Bye Lily."

"Bye Amos," Lily replied although she was astounded anyone heard it, it came out so gently and shakily.

"So, you've picked Prewett, then?" James questioned out of nowhere, pulling Lily back to their table and her gaze away from Amos.

"Yes," she sighed, as she turned to face James- his eyes watching her with a sort of odd reluctance. "Best of a bad lot, to be honest. But he's the right sort of boy for Alice."

"Oh, yes?" was James's next comment, laced with derision. "And what sort of boy is that?"

"One who is too scared of me to mess her about," Lily replied with finality and a quick smirk. She revelled in her own success inwardly when James gave into his own grin.

"In that case you may as well just fix her up with Peter," he quipped.

She didn't even bother with the eye roll before returning her gaze to the books beneath her chin- she could already feel where this conversation was going; as Head Student's the pair of them had reached a sort of impasse- they never agreed on anything and so a quick game of persuasion would always result whereby one would try to convince the other that their path was correct. Usually, a sense of propriety would win out and the stubbornness of either one of them would cave before things went too far.

But, Lily reminded herself, this was not a case of Head Business; this was a matter of the heart. And if James wanted her to change her mind, he was going to have to make his case strongly- although she doubted he was up to that challenge. She was resolved on Fabian Prewett and in her mind; the matter was decided before the 'F' even rolled its way off of her partner's tongue.

"So, there's nothing I can do to change your mind then?" was the way he began as she looked up once more.

She shook her head with little effort.

"Sorry, Potter," Lily retorted bleakly on his behalf, "I know who you want me to fix Alice up with but..."

"You say that like I'm arguing this for my own personal benefit," James interrupted imploringly. "This isn't about me, Lily, this is about who would genuinely make Alice happy and I know that that person is Frank."

"Not for your own benefit?" she queried with amusement, leaning forward to rest her head on her perched hands. "I'm curious to know whose benefit it is for then. Don't tell me you actually care about Alice's love life?"

"It's hardly my favourite topic," he replied sardonically, regarding her with narrowed eyes, "but when I think you're doing the wrong thing..."

He broke off when she let out a satisfied sigh.

"What?"

"Nothing...you just gave yourself away is all," Lily answered smartly. " 'When I think you're doing the wrong thing'...this is nothing to do with Alice, James, or Frank for that matter. You're only doing this because you want to prove me wrong."

"I'm not going to bother to lie and try and deny it," James responded lowly, with somewhat of an indecent smirk. "But I have other motivations, Lily- ones that are more noble- as do you..."

"And these motivations would be?"

"Well, I like to see true love succeed..."

Here she could not resist the rolling of her eyes.

"I never pegged you for a romantic, Potter," she stated matter-of-factly, crossing her arms. "Although, given my recent discoveries regarding your taste in literature...but besides all that it doesn't matter. Frank is not Alice's true love..."

"In your opinion," James cut in, leaning forward.

"Yes, but I am always right," came her repartee, complete with a swish of her hair.

"In your opinion," he repeated cockily.

Eyeing him in annoyance- when James decided to become a brick wall in the conversation she knew it was time to give up- years of him repeating the same date offer had taught her that.

"This is getting us nowhere," she conceded. "Nor is it likely to," she went on over him before he had the chance to reply. "I'm not going to change my mind, that's it."

With a blustery sigh, James leant back into his chair with a huff- no longer watching her but seemingly lost in thought.

"So, speaking of romance...," Lily started, hoping to tear him away from whatever thoughts he was having- most likely strands of a new tactic to employ against her, "...how have you been enjoying _Emma_?"

A small smile made its way across his face as he perked up again and in a strange way, Lily could almost feel the life come back into the room again.

"It's good," he answered briefly, his eyes meeting hers honestly. "Little bit less dramatic than the others I've read..."

"There is less... 'fuss'," Lily added in agreement, casting her mind back to the three other novels he had stated he'd read. "Everything is slightly simpler."

"I like it like that," James stated firmly, "I mean I'm all for a bit of standing in the rain on the top of a hill weeping because 'he left me' but I don't think I could cope with it on a long term basis," he joked as she laughed.

"And what of our intrepid heroine? Figured out who she's supposed to be with yet?

"Yes, but for some reason I've a feeling she's going to mess it up," James said thoughtfully with a tinge of bitterness. "I mean I know I said the book was simple but it could never be _that_ simple. She'd never just confess to Knightley- there'll be tonnes of obstacles. I mean I already _hate_ this guy Churchill..."

Letting out another bark of laughter as she hopped a little in her seat, Lily smirked at him.

"I knew it," James finished briefly, as though her response confirmed it all.

"Well, the course of true love never did run smooth," Lily said sagely as though to console him.

"Yeah, I know," was the silky reply. "There's always an issue- your own blindness..."

"Hmmm..."

"Or, your idiotic friend who keeps trying to fix you up with the wrong guy," James added meaningfully, his eyes sparkling.

She chucked her wand at him.

* * *

_December_

"_I think there is a little likeness between us. … If not in our dispositions, there is a likeness in our destiny; the destiny which bids fair to connect us with two characters so much superior to our own."_

Late nights, dimly lit rooms kept aglow only by the flickering tongues of the fire that crackled in front of her and good looking boys had never done Lily any good.

She was having this thought as she sat by herself in the Heads' Common Room, late at night trying to complete the rest of her Potions homework. She had never had any trouble powering through her best subjects' work before but given the extra load she was always conflicted with by virtue of her new office, the red head found herself perpetually behind on everything and always attempting to keep up.

But as she sat contemplating the ethical implications of Amortensia her mind drifted into the past times she had sat by herself in such a setting and how it has always ended badly. Perhaps it was her eternal need for an arm around her shoulders whenever she sat gazing into the embers. Or it could have been the infernally good-looking young men who always seemed to wander into her presence when she was in such a vulnerable state.

Whatever it was, it no longer mattered. Because she was resigned to her own solitude. Resigned and happy about it.

And just as she had had that thought, the Head Boy came tripping down from his own bedroom, yawning and rubbing at his eyes.

"This is getting ridiculous, Evans," he said, coming to a still and eyeing her narrowly.

"I'm sorry?"

"It's one am," James continued firmly. "It's bedtime."

She smiled wearily and stretched her legs out along the sofa pleasantly, allowing the muscles in her legs to strain and relax.

"I've just got this one…"

"No way," Potter interrupted quickly. "You've been up at least this late every night these past two weeks, and so tonight I thought to myself 'I'll read until she goes to bed because she's got to be tired tonight and no way is she staying up later than midnight' but lo and behold, you are still awake," he finished sternly.

She opened her mouth to protest in a cheeky manner but again, he got there before her.

"Evans', we are going to bed now and if I have to carry you there myself, I will."

She raised her eyebrows.

"Mind in the gutter," he scoffed, folding his arms as she couldn't resist a full blown grin and audible laugh. "You see this is why I didn't do potions," James added, batting her legs out of the way as he threw himself down onto the sofa. "'The Morality and Ethical Implications of Coercive Potions'," he recited distastefully. "Who the hell _cares_?"

"I do," she hissed, snatching the parchment back off of him and glowering in his direction. "And you didn't do potions because it's a subject that requires _effort_, Potter."

"And suddenly we're in fifth year again. Joy," he droned not at all earnestly, as she sighed and relented.

"So what were you reading?" she queried, hoping he'd answer correctly.

"_Emma_, of course," he answered, as their eyes met and she looked away quickly, her earlier thoughts about romantic fireplaces and unoccupied common rooms returning to her head.

"How far are you?"

"'Bout halfway," James continued. "She's starting to annoy me," he confessed as Lily smiled again.

"Oh really?"

"Yes," James said through a pout, as their eyes met a second time and Lily didn't care because she loved the moment when people became addicted to books in the same way she was. Seeing it in their eyes was perhaps the best part. "As if Churchill is the one for her! And Harriet! Merlin, that girl would make you want to put a green light through your head."

Chuckling, Lily eyed him sentimentally.

"I knew this was the book for you," she said happily, perking up considerably.

"I all but hate everybody in it!"

"Ah but only because you care about them," Lily corrected blithely.

Glaring at her good-naturedly, James narrowed his eyes. "Knightley is the only worthy character in the whole damn thing."

"Oh?"

"Well, Emma's not so bad. When she isn't meddling…"

"Which is never," the Head Girl suggested, throwing her head back and feeling her eyes close involuntarily.

"Stretch out," she heard James say quietly.

"I'm sorry?"

"Lie down, Evans. You've been running yourself ragged," he explained, sounding almost concerned she thought. "If you're not going to sleep until it's finished at least give yourself a little time to recuperate."

'Hmmm-ing' as she acquiesced and let her legs stretch out and fall onto James' lap, her head hit the armrest.

"This is what happens when you're busy trying to do your work, do your Head Girl duties and fix everybody's love life," he murmured, his hands falling on top of her shins.

"Well, the fixing is done thankfully," she said through a sleepy haze. "Alice and Fabian have been out on three dates all of which have gone swimmingly well and she is…"

"Bored stiff, no doubt."

Bringing her leg up and down so as to thump him slightly, Lily didn't bother opening her eyes.

"He'll ask her to this New Year's Eve Ball which has been causing me to work overtime ever since _some idiot_," she highlighted purposely, "suggested the idea to Dumbledore and I can go back to hearing no more about bloody Matthew Noble."

She could practically feel him rolling his eyes but restraining himself so as not to retaliate.

"Well since you're so good at this match-making nonsense, who should I bring?"

Swallowing thickly as she suddenly noticed that his fingers had been tracing the soles of her feet for quite some time, Lily shifted a little.

"Sirius keeps telling me Emmeline Vance but I think Mary McDonald perhaps," he carried on obliviously and she felt her stomach untie its' knots.

"Mary sounds like a good idea," she confirmed simply, relaxing into his touch again. "You're very good at this, Potter," she added quietly.

"I wish I could say it was because I've practised on lots of girls but mostly it's because of Quidditch injuries," he replied wryly.

"James…"

"Yeah?"

"…I'm sorry…"

Twilight hours, fire-lit rooms and good-looking boys are terrible things.

She could feel his question before he asked it.

"I know we fought a good bit in the past," she said awkwardly, glad she wasn't looking at him and feeling her cheeks beginning to burn. "But I've started to think that maybe the reason we were never friends…was because I wouldn't let us be."

The stillness this observation produced caused her to open her eyes and check to see if he was still there.

As their eyes connected, James nodded slightly.

"You know, that's the thing I like about _Emma_," he started, catching Lily off-guard. "No one is ever quite what they seem. And when their true personalities start to appear, it's usually the good that appears rather than the bad."

She smiled, unable to help herself.

"You seem to be fairly positive about the end of this book…"

Grinning, James yawned and allowed himself to stretch.

"Of course they'll end up together. As if they wouldn't."

Lily was about to reply when she jumped as she heard the portrait hole swing open. They both looked around only to come face to face with Sirius.

"Sorry," he said dryly as his eyes fell on the pair of them and Lily sat up quickly, no longer looking in the direction of the door. "You ready, Prongs?"

"Eh yeah," James replied hesitantly, jumping up quickly and running his hand through his hair. "I'll go get the cloak. Gimme a minute."

Seemingly unable to move, Lily sat there is a complete state of something like shock. This was the first time they'd been alone since that night in the tower. She'd purposely managed to avoid all contact with Sirius Black until it no longer became an effort; more like a reflex.

Her heart hammered in her chest and for a few moments the hairs on the back of her neck raised and she felt as though he was standing right beside her.

She heard him exhale raggedly and felt tears pool in her eyes involuntarily. Swallowing, she got her Gryffindor courage under control and turned around.

She ended up staring into empty space.

"Where's Sirius?" she heard James query a little breathlessly as he bounded down the stairs.

"Eh, he said he'd wait outside," she replied quietly, trying to seem normal but if she showed any signs of emotion, James showed no recognition.

"Right. See you later, Evans," he called as he ran out of the portrait hole and she collapsed into a pile on the sofa.

* * *

_January_

"_How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation."_

The commotion had happened all at once. One moment she had been standing idly by surveying the silver-clad Great Hall go sweeping by with a pleased feeling that all of her…_their_ hard work had paid off and the next moment she was striding across the Hall in an attempt to split up a clearly determined Frank and an obviously awkward Alice, before she was gathered into someone's arms and twirled around easily as though she had been dancing the whole night.

"James!" she admonished as she finally managed to make out her interceptor and she hit him lightly on the chest of his dress robes. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Dancing with you, Evans," he answered with grace as it registered in her mind that he was a wonderful dancer and she had no idea how she was even managing to keep up with him. "Something wrong?"

"A number of things," she hissed shrilly, still glaring up at him as he smiled and surveyed the moving room. "Firstly, I already told you, _neither_ of us should be dancing tonight- we have work to do. Secondly, if and I mean _if_ you _must_ dance then it should be with your date, Mary. And finally, don't think I don't know that the only reason you are dancing with me is because Frank Longbottom is about to make an arse of himself in front of my best friend!"

His expression hadn't changed a bit- if anything his smile grew wider.

"So tense, Evans," he murmured, peering over her shoulder and she knew he was looking at Alice and Frank. "You need to relax."

"James, she's here with Fabian!" Lily persisted, trying to meet his eyes. "This is wrong. If Frank has to do this, he can do it another time. Not when she's on a date. _At a ball_."

"To be honest from my vantage point, Alice looks perfectly happy talking to Frank."

Her stomach dropping and her eyebrows shooting up, Lily craned over her shoulder to see Alice smiling and laughing congenially with Frank.

"See," James gloated, pulling her back around to face him. "She's having a fine time."

A thousand thoughts running quickly through her head, Lily barely even noticed James was still talking as she tried to process them all.

"…and you look incredibly beautiful tonight, might I say."

She had just regained consciousness quickly enough to catch the end of a long-rambling sentence that James had expelled, clearly thinking that she wasn't listening to him although she couldn't tell if he had said it to test if she was listening or because…

As her eyes caught his, they widened and his hand went automatically from her waist to his hair as his cheeks reddened and they stopped dancing.

"Eh…sorry about that Evans," he stated a little bashfully. "Didn't mean anything by it…I-I-I…"

"It's okay," she interrupted hesitantly, "I didn't think that you…"

"…but the fact is, that dress does look rather nice on you."

Swallowing delicately, Lily felt the awkwardness float out of the space between them as she realised he meant it as a genuine compliment and not a pick-up line. They began to move again slowly.

"Thank you," she replied delicately, smiling at his chest instead of him. "You're a very good dancer, you know."

"Kind of comes with the territory," he answered pleasantly. "Pureblood," he said lowly, whenever she gave him a questioning look.

As they turned briskly around the dance floor, she could finally see Alice and Frank over James's shoulders and just as she had left them, they were chatting happily. She moved her eyes across the room and saw Mary eyeing the pair of them suspiciously.

"Your date is watching us," she informed him, feeling her cheeks redden although for what reason she couldn't tell.

"Mmmm…" James let out, not sounding entirely concerned as he continued to spin her, "I'd probably be saying the same for you, but you never told me who you brought."

"No one," Lily said curtly.

"What?"

"You don't have to sound so surprised," she laughed, meeting his eye again. "I planned the whole thing; I barely had time to even ask anyone."

"Ignoring the fact that I _helped_ you plan it," James responded dryly, "that's ridiculous! How long does it take to ask a guy- who is probably going to be there already- to have a few dances with you?"

Her eyes drifting across the floor to Amos- who was also watching them-, Lily managed to look away eventually.

"Irrelevant," she replied. She saw that he was continuing to look at her strangely so she continued on. "I'm not dating this year. At all."

More strange looks followed and she took a moment to remind herself that she was actually having this conversation with James Potter of all people.

"I'm focussing on work and Head Girl duties…and setting other people up, and that's it. I can't be bothered with any…_silliness _this year," Lily answered succinctly as James continued to look at her, although no longer perplexed.

"Okay," he said after a moment.

"That's it?" she asked him, surprised that her usually verbose interlocutor was choosing to maintain a silence on this subject of all things.

"Yup," James said with a smile and shrug. "Your life. Your decision."

"Okay," she mimicked, still confused but managing to wrench her mind away from past thoughts and forward towards that of Alice and Frank, who were still chatting congenially in the corner, although now standing somewhat closer she noticed.

"It's just that…"

She smiled as he finally let his true self show.

"It's just what?"

"Not all guys are the same, Lily."

The seriousness with which he said the above and the impact it had on her caused the pair of them to stop dancing again. It passed through her mind with a jolt that perhaps he might know her previous romantic history and she stared into his face trying to decipher what he had meant by his remark.

"You deserve…" he began again, but seemingly struggled here as he sighed and started again. "No one ever takes a break from dating unless they've been…hurt," he said carefully, watching her as though she might explode at any moment. "And…whatever happened, you should know that…not all guys are the same."

Not quite knowing how to reply, or how he had meant the above, Lily chose her words carefully.

"I know," was all she could stomach to say. "It would be nice for them all to behave differently," she joked a little with a wry smile, though James's expression didn't change, "but I'm not bitter and twisted quite yet. Just making sure the next guy's worth it, is all."

He nodded and gave her a small smile.

"Well no one can fault you for that."

"The fact is," she continued, not really inside her own head as she spoke, "you're the first guy this year that I've trusted…I feel like you're not going to…"

She didn't know what she didn't think he was going to do so she trailed off.

"I like that you trust me, Lily," he picked up where she left off. "I like that you feel you can talk to me."

Lily looked up at him and into his suddenly beautiful brown eyes- she felt her head go woozy. It was a feeling she'd felt before and it scared her. She didn't know if she imagined it, but Lily felt her body grow closer to James's chest. The heat of the Great Hall and the dizziness she was now feeling caused her head to sag towards his own.

"Are you okay?" he asked her gently, his lips beside her ear.

She felt her head shake.

His hand splayed along the bottom of her back and his voice echoed a little louder. "Why not?"

Her eyes met his again as she struggled to hold up the weight of her own head.

"Suddenly…I don't know why," she tried to tell him, "suddenly, I feel scared," she managed with a shaky laugh- the only reason her feet stayed firmly on the ground being James's hands holding her steady.

Another smile that made her feel dizzy was the response.

"It's okay, Evans…you're safe with me."

He was just about to begin speaking again whenever they turned again and Lily regained consciousness long enough to notice that Frank and Alice were no longer in their corner.

James tightened his grip on her.

"Would you stop that?!" Lily hissed, jerking her arm free and striding across the dance floor, although she could tell James was following her.

"Lily, can't you leave them alone? They deserve to be able to…"

"No!" she bit out, rounding on him. "I'm not going to let him screw her over! This is not happening to her again, okay? It just isn't!"

The vehemence with which she spoke clearly shocked James into submission and he stopped pursuing her.

* * *

_February_

"_Badly done, Emma!"_

She didn't know whether he had only started turning up early to their meetings at some point in the year, or whether, since they weren't speaking- or rather, he wasn't speaking to her- she had only started to notice it now.

Seating herself in the usual chair, Lily unpacked her book bag and waited quietly until James looked up from his own work.

"McGonagall has suggested that we start engaging some of the younger pupils in patrols occasionally," James began blankly, looking around but not managing to look at her. "She thinks it will encourage responsibility."

"Sounds reasonable," she replied, mimicking his tone and manner. "Do we pick the kids who seem like they're going to become prefects or those who need encouragement?"

James seemed to consider for a moment.

"A mixture," he said finally, "we can take two one night a week."

"Fine," Lily agreed, growing wearier every moment of his continually bad mood, "you can pick the first two this week."

Her opposite number nodded, made a ticking motion with his quill on a piece of parchment he was holding his lap and was about to move on when she interrupted him.

"I can't work like this, James," she said earnestly, doing her best not to sound emotional or annoyed.

"This is exactly how we worked for the first two months of the year," he rebutted flatly, once again not even bothering to look up.

She waited to see if he was going to respond further but when she was greeted with more silence she grew angrier. She didn't want to admit it to herself but the anger was laced with hurt; hurt that their conversation at New Year's had apparently meant so little to him.

"And you really want to go back to that?" she queried aggressively, trying to catch his eye.

She was again met with silence although she could tell from his furrowed brow that he was thinking. Despite this, his quiet continued long more than she was prepared to bear and Lily stood, not without a little theatricality, and made to leave the dorm.

She kept in mind their awful arguments of fourth year, before he had made his feelings known. She pushed them to the forefront of her mind because more often than not they had ended horribly, with her crying and him terrorising the school. Lily really did not want to go back to that, even if he was prepared to revert to their tense distance of sixth year. But halfway on her journey to the portrait hole, she felt an image of a happy Alice flash into her head and it overpowered the previous memories quite easily.

"I am terribly sorry if you have a problem with the way I behaved," she hurled sarcastically, rounding on him with energy, "and I'm even sorrier if you feel the need to let it affect the way we interact with each other. Apparently, I thought we were making progress in our friendship however if you, the eternal picture of morality, deem it necessary to return to the way we were, then I have no problem with it, _Potter._"

Lily was shocked as she felt his last name leave her lips with a nastiness she wasn't aware she possessed. But she was angry. She had no idea why she was this angry or why she was insisting on confronting James over his opinion of her, but the fire in her stomach wasn't cooling, no matter what she tried to do mentally.

"Alice is my friend. My best friend," she continued, losing the sarcasm but none of the heat. "Not Frank. _Alice_. You weren't there when she was run over with a battering ram by that bastard Matthew. I was," Lily went on, although she realised that as she talked she wasn't picturing the distraught Alice in her head, but rather, her own devastation of the past two years. "She should never have to go through that again and whilst I'm sure Frank is a lovely man, I know his dating history. He's not exactly up to your standards but…"

Lily stopped here because James had finally reacted to her words. A small, dry laugh escaped him and after a moment of her silence, he looked up to watch her.

The fire in the grate reflected off his glasses partially obscuring her vision of him but she could still see the intensity that burned in his eyes and set itself in his jaw.

"My standards?" he asked with a dangerous grin, and as he asked it, Lily felt a wave of nausea hit her stomach but she managed to overcome it, though now, much of her own previous temper had dampened.

"My standards?" James asked once more when she didn't reply, his voice rising as his wand, lying on the table shot red sparks horizontally causing her to jump.

He watched her with that same dangerous look, as though daring her to even answer, never mind challenge him.

"You really are wrapped up in your own little world, aren't you?" James continued, with a wry edge as Lily continued to watch him fearfully. "I haven't spent one night in the Gryffindor common room since January, not one trip to Hogsmeade and I've stopped eating in the Great Hall completely and you think that the reason is because you stopped Frank Longbottom from kissing Alice Patterson?"

Her heart began to pound because by now, there was no way he could be talking about anything else. She felt her eyes flood with tears and her face colour but James was unmoved, still tidying up the papers on the table with a violent briskness.

"I find it funny that you think that those people hold such sway over me," he breathed deeply, the papers now gathered although he didn't know what to do with them. Gesturing uselessly, he gripped them harder and the edges crinkled in his palm.

He still wasn't looking at her.

"James…I…I…" she tried weakly, feeling as though she was going to be ill right there before him.

"Don't, Lily, just don't," he half yelled, throwing the papers down on the table before cradling his head in his hand.

She didn't try again because she had nothing to say. What was she to say? How would she even begin to explain?

Lily looked at him for long, tense moments, waiting for him to explode at her. Every angle of his body suggested that he was going to do so- the hunched shoulders, drooped frame and clenched hands told her that he should yell. But the moment never came and she wondered why he was holding back.

"Please just yell," she mumbled pathetically, needing him to let it out so that she could have something to defend herself against.

James let out a staggered breath and she waited again.

"I'm not going to yell at you," he said eventually, his voice heavy and still filled with anger.

"Why?" she queried helplessly.

"Because for once, Lily, _for once_, this isn't about you," James explained, "and if I yelled at you, fun though it would be, it would make you think otherwise."

She continued to look at him stupidly as his tired eyes burned against hers and James began to shake his head.

"I haven't been avoiding you," he told her frankly. "This whole 'thing' has done nothing more than reveal who you really are to me," he continued and she could tell he was trying to hurt her although she was too scared by what was coming next to feel the barbs genuinely. "Stopped me from thinking that you were infallible- which I suppose is a good thing. It's important that you know that this has nothing to do with you, Lily."

Lily tried to grasp his meaning without angering him more.

"Then why…?"

"Why am I angry?" he finished for her and she nodded, marvelling at how well he was managing to communicate. He wasn't screaming, he wasn't punching anything. He wasn't the James Potter of fifth year.

"I know it may be hard for you to believe, but funnily enough-there is actually someone I care…_cared_ more about than you," James replied and this time she felt the pain in his voice. "I don't get why he did it," he said quietly, now looking at the fire. "You I get…him I don't."

She didn't know whether to move. The way he sounded she wanted to comfort him- she almost forgot she was a perpetrator of the crime. She took a step forward, and then stayed where she was.

"I wish I could give you an answer."

"I always thought there was a line," James went on as though he hadn't heard her reply. "I knew Sirius did shit stuff a lot of the time…I thought I was the line."

She opened her mouth but could give no answer but it didn't matter for James was letting his thoughts spill out. Clearly the first time he had done so.

"Did you know about the lies he told me?" he queried aggressively, confronting her finally. "Did you know what he told me to…to hide what you were doing?"

"No…I never really…"

James shook his head.

"He told some great ones," James told her bitterly. "He made me think…all the things he said about Remus…I just don't understand how…"

He broke off here again, his head once more in his hands.

"I don't understand _why_."

She couldn't give him an answer. She couldn't because she didn't know herself.

He was still deeply stuck in thought, cheeks inflamed and it was at this point that she truly realised what they had done. She saw for once the love that James had for Sirius- she had never seen their bond as anything more than camaraderie formed around a general predilection towards mischief. Now she could see how hurt he was, she understood why Remus had ended it- why Sirius had too.

She saw now more than anything that it wasn't anger in him, but pain.

Lily sat.

"I loved him," she said in almost a whisper, not wanting to tell him because it was painful for her too, but knowing that she had to. James said nothing but the clench in his jaw showed her he was listening, "…and I think he loved me too," Lily continued, as the tears returned and her voice went higher. "He said he did at the time, anyways."

She had to admire him for holding back as she spoke. For the control it must have taken to listen to her.

"But he ended it," Lily managed to go on, after sniffing thickly. "And I'm pretty sure it's because he thought you were going to find out. And he'd rather lose me than you."

She couldn't tell if her words had an impact on him, but they were true nonetheless.

"He told me," James spoke finally, catching Lily's attention. "There was a party, he was drunk and…"

The rest was self-explanatory.

"He loved you, Lily," was his next remark and for a moment she almost thought she'd fixed it. "If he did leave you because of me it wasn't easy for him, that much I could tell."

She was now crying fully, though she was trying hard to stop.

"Don't cry over him," James ordered her, and she was reminded that it wasn't fixed. Not even close. "However much you loved him, he didn't deserve one ounce of your affection."

She was about to protest when his eyes met hers for only the second time that evening.

"If he threw it away that easily, then he didn't deserve it," he stated bluntly and she knew he was right.

They sat there in silence whilst she tried to master her emotions and he seemed deep in thought.

"I'm sorry," she managed eventually, apologising to him for the second time that year.

"You did nothing wrong," he told her lowly. "You owed me no loyalty."

She tried in vain to stop her weeping for a long time as they sat there before the fire. Lily had nothing to say to him and any remarks he might have had for her were stalled whenever the portrait hole opened and her heart stopped for the second time that evening.

Lily and James, both faces aflame and eyes red looked at Sirius as his eyes drifted over the pair of them. On inspection, he looked as exhausted as they did.

He had under his arm what Lily could only assume was some alcohol with a large proof.

She felt more shaky and ill than she had done at first, waiting for either one of them to speak. Eventually, Sirius spoke.

"You ready?" he asked James groggily.

The Head Boy nodded and stood up slowly as Lily watched him leave.

"Where are you going?" she queried hurriedly, knowing that she really had no right to ask him.

"I'm going to move back into the Gryffindor Dorm," James replied, not looking at her. "Give things a chance to get…better again."

She didn't know why but she felt her eyes well up again as they both avoided her gaze. When she managed to look up again without tears streaming down her face, she saw fleetingly James's strained jaw when her eyes met Sirius's and she looked back to see her battered and bruised copy of _Emma_ discarded upon the table, amongst all of his ripped parchment.

For a brief moment in time she felt that Sirius might say something to her- go to her even. A part of her felt that he should, but she was totally divided from both of them now. She looked at them standing side by side and realised that not only had Sirius chosen James. James had chosen Sirius as well.

She had lost all three of them in the space of three years.

And never before had any loss echoed so achingly around her heart.

* * *

_March_

"_Where the wound had been given, there must the cure be found, if anywhere."_

It had been a month.

She hadn't seen him in a month.

Well, she had seen him- she had seen him in class and around the halls. But never alone. They all cloistered around one another. Closed ranks and ignored her. Although it never felt like they were ignoring her. It felt like they didn't even notice her enough to ignore her.

Lily couldn't take much more of it. She had never realised how much of an impact any of them made on her day to day life. To hear James screech at her from across the hall, Sirius make some crude remark about a girl for which both her and Remus would reprimand him.

She missed them.

She felt so excluded from the club that Hogwarts had almost become a stranger to her.

Her main friends were all busy with their respective relationships. Alice and Fabian were blossoming as a couple so she didn't even have a project to focus on.

She was so lonely that she almost considered approaching Severus at one point. Although he too seemed to have his own group of friends- one which she could never be a part of.

So it was that on one extremely cold March night, she sat huddled in front of the Head's Dorm fire studying for next morning's class. And as the night got colder and she got more tired, she decided that she'd had enough.

It was nearly 11.30pm but Lily didn't care. She stormed up to the Gryffindor Dorm, determined the make it right.

Although half way there thoughts of what might go wrong- memories of what had happened- entered into her consciousness and she lost the fire in her belly. She stood there and danced in front of the Fat Lady, debating whether or not to wake her up. But eventually the cold got to her and she went in, thinking that she could debate in the common room where at least, she would be warm.

But as she went in, and rounded the corner onto all four of them sitting in front of the fire, laughing and joking and seemingly in the best mood she had seen them all year, Lily completely lost her courage.

She was just about to turn and leave when she heard Peter yell.

"Well, I guess you're here for me, Evans," he hollered from the furthest corner, causing all the rest of them to look around and Lily to blush to the colour of her hair. "Once you have the first three, you've gotta complete the set, eh?"

The joke landed with no one and Peter's grin faded away awkwardly, as Lily found she could meet none of them in the eye.

Sirius was the first to look away from her and as soon as he did James followed suit. Remus was the only one to still acknowledge her presence, offering her a weak smile as compensation.

She didn't know what to say or what to do. But now that they had seen her- if she didn't say something, it would have made it worse in the future.

"I've missed you," she said to all of them from her hideout near the doorway. "I didn't think I would, but I do."

"Which one of us are you talking to there, Evans?" Peter tried again, with another attempt at humour, though he silenced whenever James gave him a look.

She ignored him and continued.

"I'm sorry for what I did and…I never meant to hurt any of you. But you have to believe that I only did what…what my heart told me to. I know what it is to lose a best friend and I should have remembered that before forcing my way into any of your lives. I should have thought about someone else other than myself," she said bleakly, not having the courage to look up in case any of them should be readying an attack. "But…as it turns out…Hogwarts is quite a lonely place without the Marauders. I don't know what I can do to make it right or to change anything but…"

"I can think of something," Peter interjected sleazily for the last time as James finally spoke up.

"I'm warning you, Wormtail," he hissed dangerously, as the good feeling fell from Peter's face.

"…but I'm sorry," she tried again pathetically, knowing that that was her last shot. She was about to leave with what little dignity she had left when Sirius spoke up.

"Oh for Christ's sake," he breathed, swinging himself over the back of the sofa. Lily backed away, for some reason afraid he was about to lash out, until he moved more quickly than she could and enveloped her in his arms.

She was pressed against his chest and held there as Sirius rocked her gently and for the umpteenth time, Lily felt the tears return. She couldn't see but she heard Sirius speak over the top of her head.

"Look, I care about her," he said and Lily imagined he was speaking to Remus, "so you're just going to have to get over it. I hate ignoring her in the halls and I hate not being able to make fun of her when she makes some stupid comment in class," he went on as she sniffed against his chest. "And after the way I ended it, she doesn't deserve me sulking around as though she did something wrong. This was all me. We all know it. _My fault_. So you're just going to have to live with the fact that we're friends, okay?"

"What way did you end it?" Peter asked innocently as Sirius released her and she wiped at her eyes, managing to look up through the blur to see Remus still smiling the same weak smile and James not looking at any of them.

After Sirius had told Peter, somewhat shyly, of the demise of their relationship- that night in the tower-, Remus was staring at the ground and Peter looked shocked.

"I think I might have to hit you again," James said dryly, looking round to give Sirius a glare that went through them both.

"You hit him?" Lily exhaled, making contact with his brown eyes for the first time in a month.

James gave her a light smile as Sirius grinned down at her.

"Oh yeah," he told her, "three times. Twice in the stomach and once in the face. Got a great right hook does my best mate. No idea why he's a chaser. Beater is his true calling."

"Oh my God," Lily breathed, letting her head fall into her hands.

"Hey," James objected, lightly now and Lily was surprised to hear something of joviality in his tone. "You got to hex him. I deserved my go."

She managed a small, half-hearted laugh after another sniff. Sirius squeezed her shoulder and gave her another full-watt grin before sauntering back to his position on the couch.

Feeling that she might have gotten all she could for the moment, but grateful nonetheless, Lily turned to leave.

"Hey, wait!" she heard James call, and as hope exploded in her chest she turned to see him leap over the sofa as well and run to her. "I finished the book," he informed her, smiling at her again.

And it was too much.

Her emotions all over the place, she was about to fall to the floor with the weight of it all when she found arms enclosing her once more. Although this time, quite apart from the relief she felt with Sirius, tingles erupted from her toes to her fingers and Lily shuddered against his chest.

"Hey, hey," she heard him breath to her, rubbing a hand up and down her back. He shushed her gently as she continued to breathe unevenly. After a while he pulled back to hold her head in his hands and wipe away her tears with his thumbs. "You gotta stop all this crying," James said quietly, "I can't really function properly when you cry."

Lily swallowed gingerly, smiling shakily up at him as best she could.

His arm around her shoulder, he pulled her back to the warm fire and their circle in between the chairs. Setting her down on the sofa, James gave her hair an affectionate ruffle.

"Right," he said with authority, standing up and presiding over them all. "Cloak please, Moony," he called to Remus, who chucked him the material. "I'm heading down to the kitchens to get some snacks," he went on, as Sirius whooped. "You," he added authoritatively, pointing at Lily, "You dearest Evans, if you are still crying when I return…no muffins for you!"

"Don't worry, Prongs," Sirius returned for her, as Lily laughed involuntarily. "We'll take care of the lady, won't we lads?"

He pulled her in for another bear hug and kissed the top of her head as Remus smiled at her. She breathed in deeply and took in the calming scent of returning to their lives. Of knowing that they didn't despise her.

Of knowing that James had forgiven her.

"Potter!" she called after him, struggling out of Sirius's embrace and leaning over the back of the sofa. "The end of Emma- as you predicted?"

Peering out of the portrait hole, James beamed back at her, nodding.

"Oh yes," he confirmed happily. And with a wink; "I shall return with the baked goods, my sweetest and best of all creatures; faultless in spite of all your faults."

* * *

_April_

"_You know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it."_

When Alice found her, she had been sitting by the old beech tree, a gentle smile gracing her face. Her head lolled against the tree as she reminisced over the past month and how much things had changed since the beginning of the year.

Not only were her and the Marauders friends again, but it felt at times as though the destruction and despair of the past few years had never occurred.

She thought over their many collective trips to Hogsmeade- the hours spent in the Three Broomsticks, getting ridiculous tipsy on firewhiskey and chasing each other home whilst trying not to fall over. Lily fell most of the time- or she would have, if James hadn't been there to catch her every time.

It was these pleasant thoughts that she was mulling over when Alice skipped towards her, an equally pleasant smile on her face.

"Lily!" she sang loudly, bounding up to her best friend. "I have news!"

"Oh yes?"

"Yes! Amos Diggory is on his way down here to ask you out!" the blonde breathed excitedly, as Lily felt the smile drop from her face.

"What?" she asked, almost unable to comprehend what Alice had just said.

"Oh don't look so scared!" her friend warned, shaking her by the shoulders. "Haven't you been wanting this for months?! Well it seems that the idiot has finally realised that if he doesn't make a move now, he's not going to see you ever again, once we leave!"

"He isn't?" Lily responded, wondering why that was.

"Well of course not! That's what happens isn't it? You don't see each other every day, you fall out of touch."

Lily's face fell again.

"It's not going to happen to us," Alice comforted with a smile. "We're friends. But it'll happen with all our other acquaintances."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Amos making his way down from the castle.

"You ready?" Alice asked her, spying the same thing and grinning with glee.

Lily couldn't do anything. She couldn't quite understand what was going on. She'd barely said a word to Amos Diggory since November. And now he was asking her out? It just didn't make sense.

By the time she had gotten through thinking this, Alice had skipped off again, winking at her as she went, and Lily stood stock still, feeling like a prisoner awaiting execution.

Amos's smile was much different from Alice's- it was a sincere and gentle one he gave her as he approached. He walked casually but Lily was frozen where she was. So she smiled back- feeling it was strained.

"Hey," he opened, coming to stand before her.

She nodded and said a small 'hi' in response.

"So, I suppose I could talk about the nice day it is, but I saw Alice talking to you before I could," Amos proceeded, not totally easily. "She's probably given the game away."

The red head nodded again, wondering why the blood was draining away from her face. It wasn't cold and she wasn't ill. Shouldn't she be blushing? Shouldn't her stomach be twisting with butterflies?

Amos sighed.

"Lily…I know I probably haven't been the most obvious admirer," the boy said honestly, meeting her eye to eye. "I probably could have been more demonstrative at any rate…maybe told you that you looked nice from time to time. But I haven't ever really known how to do any of that…"

He was still talking.

But Lily had zoned out.

She was still listening to him talk- hearing all he was saying. He was asking her to think of whether she'd ever felt anything for him. Whether she'd ever felt anything between them.

She was such a fool. She'd been so busy trying to manage everyone else's heart that she had never listened to her own.

Amos was asking her to now.

But all Lily could think as she looked at those pretty blue eyes and heard those sweet, true words was that surely if anyone should be saying them to her, it should be…

"James Potter," she breathed, interrupting him unintentionally.

Amos stopped mid-stream and looked at her oddly.

"I'm sorry?"

"I have to go," she told him, feeling unbelievably awful but not able to do anything else. Her heart was back in the driver's seat and now that was the case, she couldn't sit still. "I'm sorry," she called back, bolting towards the castle.

She had almost made it to the Heads Common room, running as fast as she could- turning corners and looking behind her every so often in case she might see a mop of black hair and glasses there- that she ran smack into a wall and nearly fell over.

Or she would have, had the wall not caught her.

Lily was so relieved not to find herself on the floor that only moments later did it register that James was the one who had her in his arms.

Seemingly in the same situation as her, the pair of them leapt away from each other, as if hit by an electric shock.

As she struggled to catch her breath, it occurred to Lily that James was attempting to do the same thing; his face red and one hand held against the wall to help him to stand.

"Hi," he said, his breathing still heavy- his gaze concentrated on her.

"Hi," she mimicked.

They stood there, each looking at the other.

"Were you going somewhere?" Lily asked him, finally thinking of something to say and glad she had said 'going' instead of 'running'.

James considered her question.

"I…I…em…"

"Yes?"

"I bumped into Alice."

"Oh."

"Mmmm," James added uncertainly, still not breathing properly either. "Yeah…so, Amos, eh?" he went on, another weak smile. "That's great then…what you've always wanted…right?"

She stared up at him, blinking dumbly and shook her head. Unable to even think of how to tell him what she was sure her whole face must convey.

"No," she settled on, said as almost a whisper towards his unreadable expression.

James's head fell as he struggled to get his breathing under control. She watched him nervously, waiting for his reaction; wondering if she should say anything more. She was about to move towards him when he did the same.

"Lily…" James responded, letting his hand run down her arm before grasping it in his own, staring directly into her eyes. She was so convinced that he would kiss her then that when he pulled her back towards the Heads Dorm, she balked.

Suddenly, she was walking quickly, almost running again and tripping over her feet before finally, she was allowed to rest, as they fell into the Head's common room and James sat her down on the couch, stood before her, his hands on his hips.

He stalked in front of her oddly for a few moments, in which she entertained the terrifying thought that maybe he was figuring out the best way to tell her that he didn't have those feelings for her anymore.

"This isn't fair!" he snapped eventually, looking as though he might stomp his foot as well and breaking Lily out of her nausea inducing reverie.

"What isn't?" she asked hesitantly.

"_This!"_ James replied unhelpfully. "He's said it all, hasn't he?"

"Who?"

"Amos! He…he told you how he felt. He said it all…everything. Now anything I'll say will just seem…"

He trailed off, looking into the distance. Lily was about to reassure him when he looked back to her.

"And Sirius!" he thundered, causing her to jump. "He probably gave Shakespeare a run for his money, knowing him. Remus probably wrote you books on how he felt too…"

"James…" she interjected with a laugh.

"…and it's not fair," he carried on over her. "How am I supposed to follow that? How am I supposed to…?"

In his frustration, he sank onto the table in front of her and gazed at her intensely.

"It's not fair," James managed after a moment, his voice wavering, "because none of them could even come close to feeling what I feel for you Lily."

She let the words sink in around her and a blissful, shivery feeling slid up her neck- so distracting that she jumped once more when his hand made its way to her face, along with his forehead pressed to hers.

"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more," he quoted wryly, causing her to smile, "but between all of my earlier declarations and everyone else's, I'm not…I don't know how to…"

"I thought," she began, letting her nose nudge against his, "I thought that…" she stuttered again here, although James's hand on hers encouraged her to continue. "You said it wasn't about me."

His eyes dropped to the floor, only returning to hers when he seemed to have an answer.

"I lied," he answered faintly, his shoulders shrugged and she flinched to see the pain of the last few months return to those eyes that she now couldn't stop thinking about. "What was I supposed to say? That I was driven mad with jealousy and pummelled my best friend because the girl I loved loved him and not me?"

She shuddered again.

"It's always been about you, Lily," James said, "from every moment spent hating Severus Snape to not speaking to Sirius for a month and a half. I guess I didn't mature as much this year as we thought I had."

"James…" she said, her voice rising higher, forehead still pressed to his as she sought out his eyes. "Sirius was so…if I'd known how things would change, I would have never…"

"I don't want to talk about Sirius now. Or Amos…or Remus for that matter," James interrupted, fingers now intertwining with her own. "I want to talk about us…"

"I know," she pressed on, still feeling the hurt radiating from his chest- travelling straight through to hers, "but I need you to hear this. I never knew that this would happen. I was so caught up in everyone leaving me that I never paid attention to the one person who was always here for me. Amos was asking me to think about how I felt for him. It had been so long since I'd thought about what was in my heart- since I'd examined who was in it. So I looked…and there you were."

He gave a small smile which lifted her soul.

"Never, I fear, to be removed," she finished quietly, finally dusting his lips with her own.

They sat in silence for a few moments, letting the magnitude of what they'd just decided wash over them before James finally vocalised what they were both feeling.

"This is big, Evans," he whispered jovially, giving her nose a slight nudge with his.

"Indeed it is Potter," she returned, equally lifted. "Indeed, it is."

* * *

"Does it bother you?"

"Mmmm?"

"Seeing them together?"

"…No, not really."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…how could you be bothered by the sight of something so perfect?"

* * *

"_Everything was to take its natural course…neither impelled nor assisted."_

* * *

A/N: Here I am! I told you I wasn't giving up! As you can see from the length of this piece, it took FOREVER to write!

Nobody guessed Emma but I guess it's because it's not the natural choice for James & Lily but I remember when I read it, thinking of the man who waited patiently and past all of her other loves for the heroine to fall for him that Knightley and Emma suited my own as well as JK's story of James/Lily.

To be dealt with in the next chapter:

Alice/Fabian/Frank

Lily and Sirius's first night together

I was going to deal with all of those in this chapter but it was long enough already and can be easily subsumed into Snape's story.

And yes, well done everybody, it's Wuthering Heights :)

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter- would be very appreciative if you would let me know! ;)

**REVIEW!**

BGWSRS

P.s. Top Dog has not gone away either for those of you reading it also!


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